#### The Australian Museum of Natural History #######
Sydney, Australia.

Mr Laurie Appleton,
Ward 7, Block 5
Princess Mary Psychiatric Hospital
Brisbane, QLD

Dear Mr Appleton,

We thank you for forwarding to us the objects labeled, "Fresh dinosaur bones". We read with great interest your long treatise entitled "Dinosaurs only extinct since last week".

We agree with some of your conclusions, but take issue with others.

For instance, we accept your dating method. Since the object was shrink-wrapped in a tamper-proof plastic package bearing the trade mark of a registered abattoir, we regard the documentation attached as reliable, including the statement, "Best before 12.12.98"

However, we were disturbed that the rest of this label appears to have been deliberately `snipped'. Fortunately, we were able, using identification that appears as, "Batch Number Q56465" to obtain a certified copy of the said document from the authors, The Queensland and Northern Territory Wholesale Meat Company, and discover that the part that had been tampered with contained the words, "Shoulder of Lamb."

Naturally, we ascribe the same reliability to this description as we do to the part showing the date that was still intact on the specimen you sent us. The authors have indicated that they are prepared to swear an affidavit that they did package the specimen in the shrink-wrap plastic, and that it is part of the remains of a known species of sheep. They assure us they have never had in their possession any dinosaur bones, flesh, or tissue of any description. They deny absolutely that they killed the last dinosuar and cut it up for sale to the retail supermarket industry.

Examination of the remains by biologists here, by consulting veterinarians, and by certified State and Federal meat inspectors has confirmed that they are in fact from a sheep.

We understand your unquenchable thirst for scientific advance, as we indicated in previous letters when you sent us a jar of material which you believed was Manna as described in the Book of Genesis The Old Testament. We accept that mistaking Kraft peanut butter for manna was a natural mistake that anyone could make. The experiment you asked us to conduct is still running, and no, the peanut butter has not metamorphosed into crude oil. Also, we are still reluctant to accede to your request that we recommend the expunging from textbooks assertions that hydrocarbons and carbohydrates are not the same thing.

We cannot accept your assertion that anyone who disagrees with you is "an evolution brainwashee", and find your references to Stalin and Hitler as being of the same ilk as us puzzling. We have no expertise in European political history, so we have forwarded it to the University of New South Wales History Department for their comment. We would have expected a reply from them by now, but they report that they in turn are still awaiting comment from The Princess Mary Psychiatric Hospital, Brisbane, which is where they sent your letter to.

We would welcome further submissions of this nature, but next time could you please include 10Kg of beef sausages? It is, after all, barbie season, ya stupid banana bender bastard.


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