Become a member of the IAS and save someone's life!
"Anti-Reg" <AntiReg@hotmail.com>
22 Jan 2000

Yesterday I got another IAS fund-raising piece, which I promply ran through the Universal Scientology Translator:

INTERNATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF SCIENTOLOGISTS

BY BECOMING A MEMBER, YOU COULD SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE

[UST: By becoming a member, you could save our stats.]

Dianetics and Scientology are the only hope for mankind. No other spiritual technology is capable of freeing man and creating a sane society here on Earth -- for you and for everyone else.

[UST: It's time to give us money again. It been 3 weeks since your last donation!]

Life today can appear quite safe on the surface, but widespread drug use, crime on our streets, illiteracy and even wars in seemingly distant countries can touch all of our lives.

[UST: We want you to think that life is really bad and that you need to send us money so we can "fix" it (hehehehehe).]

The role played by the International Association of Scientologists in handling this is greater than you may think.

[UST: Send us money.]

IAS-funded programs to rehabilitate criminals may have kept your home from being burglarized.

[UST: We want to make sure that WE are the only ones burglarizing you.]

IAS-funded actions to curtail use of dangerous mind-altering psychiatric drugs on children and adults could very well have prevented violence in your neighborhood or local school.

[UST: We want to make sure that WE are the only ones altering your mind.]

Getting L. Ron Hubbard's technology on study and learning into use may have opened the door to employment for someone who otherwise might have lived only on government assistance -- paid for by your taxes.

[UST: We don't care about someone's ability to get a fucking wog job. And we're mad that we're not the ones getting the government assistance.]

The IAS safeguards Dianetics and Scientology, ensuring this technology will always be there so that you can travel the road to total freedom. This takes many forms, including handling suppression and safeguarding the Scientology religion. It also includes working to create a safer world in which Scientology can expand and you and others can go free.

[UST: We use your money to utterly destroy opponents. We'll make an example out you if you cause trouble for us, so don't even think about it.]

For example, after an IAS-funded drug and criminal rehabilitation project began two years ago in Ensenada prison, robberies in the city decreased by 39% as prisoners who had done even part of the program did not return to a life of crime after their release. The prison population, following the lower crime rate in the city, has decreased by 15 percent.

[UST: This a PR job. We don't care about fucking "crims" (they're out-exchange anyway) and we don't care about the crime rate in a third-world city where the citizenry has no money for us to bilk. And the number of robberies in the city decreased by 39% because, unfortunately, we lost an IAS registrar there.]

The Hollywood Education and Literacy Project (H.E.L.P.) is another program which received funding from a grant. It operated in 20 different locations to train tutors in LRH Study Technology and pairs them up with children and families in need of assistance. Since it opened its doors in 1997, Hollywood juvenile crime has dropped an astounding 50% according to figures released by the Hollywood police.

[UST: We just pulled the 50% figure out of our ass and we are hoping nobody tries to verify it. Please don't call the Hollywood police. Please.]

The World Literacy Crusade which was sponsored by a grant in the US, operates in 5 countries and 10 different states in the US to handle illiteracy with LRH Study Technology. As one student wrote, "I had trouble growing up because of my color and environment. I got into drugs and I got myself shot. I wound up in this program here in Compton and all of that is totally in the past now. The Study Technology is powerful. It makes you want to learn, makes you your own teacher. These people stuck with me until I woke up and realized that I could learn and that I wanted to."

[UST: Son, you were better off where you were. We own you now.]

A telling statistic is that not one of the graduates of the World Literacy Crusade Compton Branch (an inner-city area of Los Angeles) has lost his life to street violence -- which is in stark contrast to the high number of youth from that area who lose their lives every year.

[UST: Now these youths lose their lives to Scientology.]

In Africa, thousands now use L. Ron Hubbard's Study Technology to lead better lives. In Spain, Narconon Mediterraneo successfully uses L. Ron Hubbard's drub rehabilitation technology to help drug addicts considered "incorrigible" by other programs. Their new expanded facilities were funded by an IAS grant.

[UST: LRH had a very poor opinion of Africans and so do we. And since we got caught in our lie about "millions of Africans" using Study Technology, we will now say "thousands" (until we get caught in that lie too, because the real number of Africans using Study Technology is twelve). And as for Spain, well... Heber won't be going back there any time soon.]

Your membership dues literally save people's lives -- whether it is the life of a former drug addict now on his way to a new and productive life, or the person who does not become the target of a criminal -- because the criminal is now rehabilitated and no longer living a life of crime.

[UST: We want to make sure that WE are the only criminals.]

All of this in addition to the actions the IAS has taken to ensure that the most valuable technology on Earth -- Scientology -- is safeguarded, and so that all men can travel the road to total freedom.

[UST: Blah, blah, blah... let's get to the part where we get your MONEY!]

Your membership dues and donations make these actions possible. Be part of this team. Take pride in being one of the people who is making a difference. Your actions today safeguard the road to total freedom.

[UST: Fill out the enclosed donation slip and send it in today with your donation. If you don't have the cash, put it on your credit card. It's only an extra $50 dollars a month. You can afford that, can't you? Don't you want to help? Can you cash in your 401K plan? Do you have any stocks? What's in your retirement plan? Why don't you take out a third mortgage? There's nothing more important than going up The Bridge(tm). You could ask your parents for a loan...]

BECOME A MEMBER OF THE IAS TODAY!

[UST: Quit Q&Aing and send us your fucking money!]

--

The Anti-Reg, ATS (Actual Trouble Source)

"I got regged one too many times!" ------------------------------------------------------------------- "They smell of all the baths they didnt take. The trouble with China is, there are too many chinks here." - LRH's teenage diary