==Phrack Inc.==
Volume Two, Issue 13, Phile #1 of 10
Index...
~~~~~~~~
Well, as a tribute to April Fools Day (4/1/87) and as a break to the
normal grinding speed of Phrack Inc. (HA!), we at Phrack Inc. have taken a
break to be stupid, to get our frustrations out, to make fun of people,
places, and things, and to be just generally obnoxious.
This issue was delayed due to THE EXECUTIONER who may be blamed for
the slow date release of this issue. We currently believe him to be trekking
back to his home in the Himalayas to hide with his mom (Saskwatch). Heh...
Just getting you in the mood for what's ahead.
This issue is NOT to be taken seriously in any manner (except
anything mentioned about Oryan Quest) and is put together extremely loosely.
None of the files have been formatted. None of the files have been spell-
checked. Don't expect quality from this issue...just have fun. Later.
Taran King
Sysop of Metal Shop Private
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Table of Contents:
#1 Phrack XIII Index by Taran King (2.0K)
#2 Real Phreaker's Guide Vol. 2 by Taran King and Knight Lightning (5.2K)
#3 How to Fuck Up the World - A Parody by Thomas Covenant (9.5K)
#4 How to Build a Paisley Box by Thomas Covenant and Double Helix (4.5K)
#5 Phreaks In Verse by Sir Francis Drake (3.1K)
#6 R.A.G. - Rodents Are Gay by Evil Jay (5.8K)
#7 Are You A Phone Geek? by Doom Prophet (8.8K)
#8 Computerists Underground News Tabloid - CUNT by Crimson Death (10.5K)
#9 RAGS - The Best of Sexy Exy (19.2K)
#10 Phrack World News XIII by Knight Lightning (26.0 K)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
==Phrack Inc.==
Volume Two, Issue 13, Phile #2 of 10
_-><-_==_{[The REAL Phreaker's Guide Part II]}_==_-><-_
or
How To/Not To Be Elite!
Written by
Taran King and Knight Lightning
So, you're willing to give up EVERYTHING to be elite, huh? Well,
you've come to the right place. We know from EXPERIENCE. We know FIRST HAND.
We know because we ARE ELITE (not elite, ELITE).
Some of you may recall our first version of this file which was
released years ago. That was when we were young and immature. We are now
much more mature and ELITE and you aren't so there. Here's the file, learn
it, love it, live it, leach it.
!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^
Real phreaks don't utilize anything pertaining to phreaking/hacking in their
handles (Phantom PHREAKER, CODES Master, CODE Manipulator, Bill from RNOC,
Perpetual PHREAK, Luke VAXHACKER, VMS Consultant, Holophax PHREAKER,
Ubiquitous HACKER, Dr. HACK, PHREAKY Floyd, Broadway HACKER, The Mad HACKER,
The PHREAKazoid, PHREAKenstein, Dan The OPERATOR, and ORYAN QUEST).
Corollary: Real phreaks or hackers don't have ORYAN QUEST in their name.
Real phreaks don't get in trouble when people harass their parents (Phucked
Agent 04, The Executioner, and Oryan Quest).
Corollary: Real phreaks don't name themselves Oryan Quest if they know that
they're going to receive harassing phone calls.
Real phreaks don't look like celebrities (Mark Tabas - Tom Petty, Shooting
Shark - Mork from Ork, Telenet Bob - Danny Partridge (200 pounds later), John
Draper - Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstein, The Executioner - All of the
group members of Loudness, Broadway Hacker/The Whacko Cracko Bros. - Tommy
Flenagan, Mr. Zenith's mother - Fred Sanford, The Lineman - Spanky, Sigmund
Fraud - The Great Pumpkin, and Oryan Quest - the Mexican cab driver in D.C.
Cab).
Corollary: Real phreaks didn't crawl under a fence to become a citizen of the
United States of America.
Real phreaks don't go to Tap (Dead Lord, Cheshire Catalyst, Sid Platt, and
Oryan Quest).
Corollary: Real phreaks don't piss Taran King off so that they would get a
rag file dedicated to them.
Real phreaks don't name their group after a real phreak (New religion:
Luthorian.)
Real phreaks don't get busted and come back numerous times (The Whacko Cracko
Bros., Dr. Who, Mark Tabas, Holophax Phreaker, and Oryan Quest).
Real phreaks don't get kicked out of the FBI (Ahem!).
Real phreaks can't speak 2600 in their normal, everyday voice (Ax Murderer,
The Wizard, The Preacher, and Oryan Quest).
Real phreaks don't have busha-bushas (Eric Corley, John Maxfield, The Bootleg,
and not Oryan Quest's mother).
Real phreaks aren't religious fanatics (The Preacher, The Pope, The Exorcist,
Magnetic Pope, All Members of Cult of the Dead Cow, Mr. Zenith's mom, The
Prophet, Lucifer 666, Angel of Destiny, and Satan [Oh, and Oryan Quest]).
Real phreaks don't use vaseline for mousse (Oryan Quest).
Real phreaks don't eat tacos for breakfast, burritos for lunch, and
enchilladas for dinner (Oryan Quest).
Corollary: Real phreaks don't need to get the cheese for their Mexican dinner
from the government (Oryan Quest).
Real phreaks don't claim to get busted 3 times to make a good reputation as a
phreaker or hacker for themselves (Oryan Quest).
Real phreaks don't answer to "Paco" (Oryan Quest).
Real phreaks don't use Maintenance Busy in an effort to unleash with full
force (Oryan Quest).
Real phreaks can rag on better things than an individual's mom (Oryan Quest).
Real phreaks' caps lock didn't get stuck when signing their first message
after they typed their first name (Oryan QUEST).
Real phreaks don't claim to know more than 65% of the phreak world (Oryan
Quest).
Real phreaks don't have a girlfriend that needs to shave...their face (Oryan
Quest).
Real phreaks haven't been around for 4 years without accomplishing something
(Oryan Quest).
Real phreaks CAN'T argue with their parents in Spanish (Oryan Quest).
Real phreaks don't:
Cash $5,000,000 checks.
Card minicomputers.
Card gold.
Get busted for hacking but let off due to police brutality (?!?).
Write books on the topic.
Say they're from outside of Illinois when working for Illinois Bell.
!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^
You, the reader, must understand that this is all written with the
very least in seriousness (except that written about Oryan Quest). Anything
contained in the file is just poking fun at people without trying to really
make them feel bad (except for Oryan Quest).
To the various people that have contributed various pieces and bits
to this file, we wish to extend great thanks for your innovativeness (or lack
thereof).
Now, you too, can be ELITE.
!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^
==Phrack Inc.==
Volume Two, Issue 13, Phile #3 of 10
/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\
\|/ How to fuck up the world \|/
/|\ Writen 10:03 pm December 2nd 1986 /|\
\|/ by the Neon Knights and Metal Communications \|/
/|\ Thanx to the Metallain,Zandar Zan,Marlbro Reds,ACID,The High Lord /|\
\|/ Satan,Apple Maniac,The Necrophiliac&The Necrophobic (for theri awesome\|/
/|\ dox-file skils),SLayer,Megadeth,Overkill,Samhain,The Misfits (fuck yea/|\
\|/ Hi Glenn!),The Blade,Killer Kurt,and Steve Wozniak even thouhg hes a \|/
/|\ wimp! /|\
\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/
/|\ Fuck off all niggers jews commusnists retarted /|\
\|/ arabians peopel who dont own computers and any welfare starving shit \|/
/|\ headed bastard who doesnt have an Applecat modem! /|\
\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/
/|\ Im not even going to write a list of boards for you to call. Well /|\
\|/ what the fuck I guess I will put at least one..... \|/
/|\ Call the Metal AE (201)-(879)-(666)-(8) for the latest in Neon /|\
\|/ Knights wares and for a cool board/cool sysop/cool wares/just all \|/
/|\ around cool! /|\
\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/
The Phile itself:
When your like me and get bored eassily its veryt hard to keep fuctiong the way
your parents expet you to. I would go out with Killer Kurt all the time and dest
roy evrything we coiuld find that looked stupid,get drunk off my ass,trip on aci
d(like im doing righ now),use the necronimiconm to summon a watcher to kill my t
eachewrs my douchbag bratty sister and the fat sickining son of a bitch that liv
es next door to me,and my parents would very rarely do anything to try to stop m
e. i gues they just thought i was goin throuhg a phase or sometihg like that. We
ll I finalyl hit upon the perfect combination of things to do that not only get
your parents to reac, the are a hell of a lot of fun and cause so much evil, cha
os, and havoc that Satan will be sure to reservbe a good seat in Hell for you. S
o now Here are step by stpe instructins on HOW TO FUCK UP THE WORLD
Step one:Get.a large supply fo plastics garbage bags, gas or other very flammabl
le shit,and a flamsthrower or somet other way to light fires from a distance (ju
st to make sure you dont die yourself before your ready).Also i forgot to mentio
n,take a good amount of drugs befoere you start doin this so youll be able to fi
nish what you start.I reccommend about three hits of blotter acid (4way album co
ver is best,thats what i use),about 2 grams of weed (smoked),some mescaline if y
ou can get it (arizona is a great place to pick it yourself),and of course the g
ood old american tradition of JACK DANIELS. Most people mix this with coke but I
have invented a new way to do it,which ya do by mixing it with JOLT cola instead
. tHIS (godamn fuckin caps lock key) will get you really goin, you may want to
use some speed as well so you dont pass out and some ludes or other type of down
er just to keep you balancd well. now make sure you can still stand up (once you
get that far the rest will come naturaly) and get in yer pickup (if you dont hav
e a pickup there is no hope for ya!) and drive. Oh remember to take the gas, bag
s, and light with you.
Step two: Drive to a secluded area and preparew for your assault on the armies o
f the conformist bastards. What your gonna be doin here is summoning a demon. Th
is is one of the waeker types according to the Necromnicon so you can control it
easily in your druged state but powerful enouhg to actually be of use to ya. So
draw yer pentagram on the ground,get a Slayer tapepl aying (no motley crue!!! or
the demon will laugh its ass off at you before killing you and eating your soul.
Adn thats a big waste of time not to mention no fun at all.) set candles at all
cardinal points and cut a long incision down the lenght of your arm about frmo
mid-bicep to just before your wrist as you dont want to bleed to death,just enou
gh to get about 3/4 of a pint or so. Drip all this blood inside the pent.,and ch
ant the following:
"YOGGIH PPEDRILS, STOWART EHNTAHL SHILGLI DRAGGULS UOHT!"
Say this5 times and you shoukld noteice the candles flikckering (hmm i blieve th
e rrUSH is starting to come on nwo, this sucker relly was worht 40 a sheet!!)! B
y the way that shit up there that ya say is not nay kind of backjwards bullshit,
it is the real stuff. I paid 40 bux for my copy of the youknowwhat so i oughtta
know. now where was i o yeah. Onece the damn thing appears thjen you gotta estab
lish control over it real qiock before it start getting any ideas. by the way in
caser you wodering what it will look like it is a big motherfucker approx. 20 fe
eet tall with green leathery sking. If you get the wrong one it doesnt really ma
tter that much anywayt since youll be dyin soon but it helps. so now get it to f
ly along above yer truck (tell it to be invisible so ya dont have peopl starin a
t ya!) and drive back to whereever it is that your gonna destroy.
Step three: stop back at yer house wreal quick and pick up the follwng. If you d
ont have all this at house then just go by a hardware storte and a drugstore and
picjk it up. if the owner objkects then just take out his kneecaps with your cro
wbar and he wont be goin anywhere for a long time.
30 dozen hammers
50 gallons of paint (asorted colors is nice but not necesary)
(jesus this is weird, have any of you ever seen ther letters on yer screen wiggl
ing and boucing didnt think so!!) now where was i/
5-10 tanks of propane
100+ gallons of gas (for a seperate use than the gas i alreadyu mentiond)
from the drugstore,or your closet if your like me and keep a constant supply of
every kind of drug ever made):
1,000 doses of pseudoephedrine (there we go,i spelled it right! well ive got the
catalog next to me so fuck it anyway,it doesnt mean shit.neuither does your mama
. i think im getting off track - wel then again it is kind og amazing cause my
ingers are twichin so bad)
5,000 doses of LSD
250 doses of qualudes
600 cases of JACK DANIELS
ok now for the good part. Consume all of these yourself! HAAHAHA! i bet you thou
ght you were suposed to put them in the citys water supply or soething! but now
you better get moving cause this is all gonna take effect within the hour! but i
f ya wanna save some to put in the citywater then go ahead,you wont have quite a
s much fun but who the fuck am i to tell you exactly how to do things.
Step four: Drive to the heart of the city. on the way see how many little old la
dies and fag poodles ya can hit. When ya get to the talest building in town smas
h into a fire hydrant in front of it. now get out and run like a bitch *just hav
e the demon carry all the shit for ya*! and go to the FUCKEN TOP of the building
. here is where you do all this.
Make the demon inhale all the propane, and give him the smaler amount of gas (th
e one I talked about first..go back about 70 lins or so./) to drionk. Now hes al
l set. now YOU have to get on his back. make him carry the hammers and paint and
the largetr amount of gas. Have him take off and fly all over the city aas he fl
ys just throw hammers down at building windows and people and paint at both of t
hose too! Now i bet you thinking i forgot all about those garbage bags and the f
lamethrowr. Hell no i didnt! with the little bit of propane hes got left have hi
m blow up the bags so they make a giant baloon. now you take the big amount of g
as and drink it (after all those other drugs it should be a smnap!) and jump. Wi
th your weight off him and all that propane in him and with that baloon he will
instantly take off straight up into heaven, where he will cause some wicked shit
to happen! As for you, you will fly down and hit the ground, and be goin so fast
that you go right through all the way to Hell. Once you get there all the gas in
you will ingite and BOOM! Satan will be proud of you for sure! a perfect ending
to a perfect day!
/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\
\|/ Keep those credits up there excatly as they are (inother words,puttin\|/
/|\ your K-K00l board up there WONT be tolerated!) or we will fuck you up. /|\
\|/ If ya dont believe us by now your retarted. -Killer Kurt \|/
/|\ -And the rest of the 'knights! /|\
\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\
/|\ Copywrit 1986 by Neon Knights/Metal Communications/ /|\
\|/ Black Death/No Love \|/
/|\ We're rad...we kill children! /|\
\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/
Oh, and by the way, the above file was a parody by UrLord, Thomas Covenant.
==Phrack Inc.==
Volume Two, Issue 13, Phile #4 of 10
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/|\ the Neon Fucken Knights /|\
\|/ present with no alternative \|/
/|\HOW TO BUILD A PAISLEY BOX! /|\
\|/ by the fucked up Blade \|/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All right, so i mfucken in 40 cols..what's it matter? i just
realized that many idoits out ther still dont know how to make one of
the greatest anarchiust tools ever, the Paisley Box. This little
beauty will do just about anuyt6hing ya want, including:
--Seize operator lines
--Remote control over all TSPS and TOPS consols
--All other box functions combind in oine, includin blue, beige, and
blotto
so ya wanna know how to build this fucker and go out terrorizin ma
bell..well sit tight, we wont bother with any fucken diagrams cause
those are for dweebs (right necro? right!) here we go!
first of all get about 20 lbs of quality drugs and 3 or 4 kegs. you
might
think that you need this for the contruction of the box but, you don't
you take it all yerself!!
this will mellow ya out enuf to follow our planz. lessee, oh yea
parts list:
--about 50 ffeet of copper wier, hopfully insulated
--an old (prefer touchton) phone that ya dont need no more
--a honda genorateer (don't pay for it, just card it. right necro?
right!)
--and one of the empty kegs that ya drank to put it all in. the
genarater will fit fine and the rest ya can attach to the outsid if
thats your fucken urge.
now for tha actualy construciton details:
oh shit, we forgot one fuckin thing. go to you local hadware stoer and
find the guy who owns it, get a gun and blow his fuckin head off (you
can card the gun two) this isn't for the box but, it fun and it will
make satan happy so yor box will work better.
now with the empty keg and all the stuf we put up there ( i think
about 20 lins ofr so up )_ attach the genarater to all the other shit
however ya please, now get some nice paisley wallpaper from your mom
9(steal it if she wants it still) and put it all on the oputsid of teh
keg. you now have a 100% genuine Neon Knights approvd Paisley Box!
How touse:
hook that son of a bithc up to yir modem (thats only if you got a 212
cat. if you don't then you are an asshole anyway and the box will
blow you fucken house aprt but, satan will be happy.)
now turn yer dam computer on, and when the prkmpt comes up(
hardwird into the box of cors! whatdday think we are, stupid? )
type: 666 (space) SATAN RULES (space) MY SWEET SATAN!
then the menu will coume up on you screen and it will say.
1) fuck the operator around
2) take control of the pentagon
3) imitatte boxes (blue, blotto)
4) fuck-a-geek
choose whatever ya want, except if ya get tired of it and want to
trash th thing type 666 for a choice. the box will sef destructt, yer
computer will explod, anmd in its trahsing death throes speak an
chant taht will summon satan to take you away to the depths of
HELL!!!
use this masterpece proerly, and remember: NO FUCKEN LOSERS!
`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'
Call these genocidal systemz:
The Gatest of Hell 555-51325-634637-3
1200 ONLY DAMMIT!
Mephisto's Suicidal Nightmare 2436-234-666 (of course!)
1200 ONLY DAMMIT!
The Dead Fuckers Realm 2436-99-2309
300 only for now (dammit!)
sorry for the sloppy look compared to our usual k00l neat files, but my
computer got confiscate d by the fucke n pigs so i have to
telerwit this fucker usin a dumb terminal, until i card another!
should be within the week!
but don't forget to call the rad Metal AE
201-879-[666]8 9600 baud only (god fuckin dammit) 4 drives with 710
megs soon (we promise this time).
Kneon Nights "We're Rad, we kill children!!"
end of file
i said end of file dammit!
what are you still fucken readin for? hit escape you stupid
shithead!
if you dont fucken hit escape i will call satan on you!!!
fuck the dead!
***
***
***
***
***********
***********
***
***
Oral roberts is the anti-christ!!!
oh and remember: this has been a fucken parody from thomas fucken
covenant and double fucken helix. Call Thieve's World, the last
bastion of free thought: 616-344-2718.
"Whaddya mean I don't believe in God? ... I talk to him every day!"
==Phrack Inc.==
Volume Two, Issue 13, Phile #5 of 10
Phreaks In Verse!
-----------------
By
Sir Francis Drake And Aiken Drum
Welcome to this file,
We hope you will spend a while,
With us today.
Perhaps you will be enlightened, in a way.
This file is about phreaks,
And hacks. We have spent weeks
writing about people in verse.
You can pick who is worse,
Our poetry or them.
We mean no insult,
And we hope as a result
No on will kill us.
'Cause we wouldn't like that OK?
Shooting Shark
--------------
His name is Shark,
He thinks UNIX is a lark.
He can even log people out!
(The legality of this we doubt)
He looks like Robin Williams.
And maby he'll make millions
Writing UNIX software!
(Wolf will tell him what to wear.)
Oryan QUEST (Agent Orange)
--------------------------
Oh! Poor Oryan QUEST!
Many call him a pest.
"Stan", they cry,
"Why do you lie?"
The color of his car keeps changing,
Perhaps its because I'm aging,
But even if my brain is weak
I know he said his car was RED last week,
But today he said BLUE!
Tell me the truth Stan, please do.
But he knows quite a bit,
And if he dosn't throw a fit,
He can be an OK guy.
Lex Luthor
----------
His real name is funny,
(And it isn't Bunny)
But a joke he is not,
He knows a hell of alot.
Of phreaks, and hacks, and little blue box.
Hes head of LODH, a club that rocks.
He's a secretive guy,
But I think we all know why.
(He even made me change this poem,
Oh well. I owed him.)
And no he dosn't sound like Yogi Bear
No matter what Bill may dare
to say.
Knight Lightning
----------------
Knight Lighting likes dots, *'s, and slashes.
He sits at the CRT so long he gets rashes.
Making those NEAT title screens
Is the thrill of his teens!
But we all think he's a swell guy,
'Cause he gives everything a try.
Silver Spy
----------
Silver Spy!
He's a conservative guy.
He runs a elite BBS-- Catch-22.
It dosn't get many posts, boo-hoo.
But what other board can you see,
Limericks when you log on...tee-hee.
Bill From RNOC
--------------
Bill from RNOC
Is from New Yawrk.
Smarter than the average phreak,
His opinions are not meak.
He designs PBX's for fun,
But he needs to spend more time in the sun.
Soon you will see,
Bill working for NT. (*NT is Northern Telecom for you stupid people*)
Taran King
----------
What a terrific guy is Taran King,
Working on Phrack and runing MSP is his thing.
He's a bit redneckish;
(he won't admit he has a homosexual fetish.)
But of the phreak community he is a piller,
And without him we would wither.
And if I keep patting his back,
Maby he'll put this file in Prack.
----------
Oh no! I fear
The end of the file is here.
This file, about all these people who are ELITE,
Can be followed by one word...DELETE.
sfd
==Phrack Inc.==
Volume Two, Issue 13, Phile #6 of 10
R.A.G.
Rodents Are Gay
Starring Codes Master
Welcome to the first and last issue of R.A.G. This month we will feature a
nauseating article about this months feature idiot - Codes Master. Remember,
this file is not for you people with weak stomachs and parental discretion
is advised. Rated R (for rodent).
First, a little introduction. The purpose of R.A.G. is to seek out and
destroy potential idiots, assholes and posers. Obviously Codes fits into all
these catagorys. We obtained a taped interview with Codes at his home in
Mickey, Mississipi, and was able to get a few truths revealed. Here is a
small transcript of the interview. "ME" is the interviewer, "HIM" is Codes.
ME: Nice place you have here. I see your into art. Ah, thats an interesting
peice there. What do you call it?
HIM: Thanks. Thats called, "Mickey's Rat Trap". It shows the valiant Mickey
cleverly stealing the cheese from the trap without setting it off.
Actually, it was quite a bargain, and cost me mere $250.
ME: Thats interesting. You seem to have an obsession with Mickey Mouse and
other rodents (looking around I see portraits of Mighty Mouse, Jerry,
Speedy and others).
HIM: Its just one of my hobbys.
ME: Okay, anyway, on with the interview. We understand that you consider
yourself, and I quote, "an expert on Primos". But we have seen
conflicting views when it comes to the truth of this. Alot of people
seem to think you don't know anything, and what you do know has been
learned in a very short period of time. Is there any truth to this?
HIM: Uh, would you like something to drink? Some treats perhaps? I have
some excellent chees......
ME: No thank you. Back to the question, are you really a Prime expert?
HIM: Well, I, uh...I guess you could say that. Have you ever read my Prime...
ME: No I havent. Sources tell me that you have claimed you had system access
on the Henco Prime on Telenet. But my sources know for a fact that you
haven't. Is there any truth to this?
HIM: Well, no...
ME: Thats what I thought. Also, I would like to bring up the little war
between you and Evil Jay. You have claimed that the reason you didn't
see eye-to-eye was because both of you were working on seperate versions.
Yet, we both know that aside from versions lower than 19 there are
not too many changes so we really dont understand your comment.
HIM: What kind of interview is...
ME: We also understand that you posted a message on Phantasie Realm that
contained the, and I quote, "new 617 Cosmos dialups". Yet these dialups
have been around for years and died more than a month before your post.
Any comments, Codes?
HIM: I....
ME: Okay, how about your "Real Hackers, Phreakers and Trashers Guide".
You made some interesting comments on there, such as, "Real phreaks are
mostly pirates" and "Real phreaks dont have handles like Mr Phreak".
You obviously didn't take a look at your own handle, but we will skip
that little misunderstanding. The thing we find curious about the file
was that it was written in January of this year (1987). At this time, you
were a member on some respectful systems, such as Shadowspawn. What we
cant understand is why a phreak, who is on some pretty good boards, would
write such a rodentish file. Comments?
HIM: You know how I feel about rodents. (HE glances fondly at Mickey portrait)
ME: I see. How long have you been hacking a phreaking?
HIM: Uh, about a year or les...
ME: I see. Is it true you were an infamous TMC code poster last summer,
sometimes posting up to 30 TMC codes per message, but never anything else?
HIM: HEY, NOW WAI...
ME: I see. Isn't it true that the majority of your posts since you have been
accepted on some major boards, have been advertisments for your somewhat
faulty Prime hacking files?
HIM: You have to advertise nowadays to get any recognition for anything.
You know?1
ME: Well, isn't that special. We got a chance to see your application to
Atlantis, and noticed that you said you had experience with Vax/VMS, RSTS
and some other operating systems. But close sources who know you well
tell us this is a lie, and if you did know anything its probably how to
get a directory, chat with a user and other general crap. Is this true?
HIM: WHAT THE HELL KIND OF INTERV...
ME: Well thats about it for today. Thanks alot Codes Master. May the force
be with you.
HIM: WAIT A...(He starts to grab the interviewer...to Codes amazement, a mask
falls off and...)
HIM: EVIL JAY?!?!1
ME: Thats right! We have you on tape now buddy. Your life is ruined...
The rest is to graphically violent to show here. But Jay emerged unscathed
to hand us the copy of this interview. Codes was last seen walking towards
Katheryn Hamilton Mental Center and had no comment.
So, we have unraveled the mysterys of one of the greatest posers of our
time and exposed the man to what he really was all the time. A mouse.
A fiendish poser, seeking to infilterate the higher levels of hacking and
phreaking, for his own greedy amusement. Everything in this article was
true, and we advise sysops to think twice about admitting Codes "Mighty
Mouse" Master on your bulletin board system. Thank you and have a nice day.
-Tom
==Phrack Inc.==
Volume Two, Issue 13, Phile #7 of 10
ARE YOU A PHONE GEEK???
-----------------------
Take this simple test to find out! A word of caution however...This file
is not a measurement of your intelligence or sex appeal. Read on at your own
risk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Simply answer the following questions completely and truthfully.
1: You are out on a date with an amazing looking chick. You are at a drive
in and notice that she is getting rather hot. She wraps her arms around you
and lets you know she means business by her passionate pelvic thrusts. However,
you lose concentration when you notice a Bell truck has pulled in next to you,
and the driver is asleep (boring movie). What do you do???
A: Push your girlfriend away and sneak out the door quietly, in hopes of
scoring on countless hard to get goodies such as lineman's tools, test sets,
manuals, and telephone numbers to engineer.
B: Give her the end of a soda bottle and tell her you'll be right back.
C: Ignore the silly Bell truck and continue with your date.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2: You are in the middle of town. It is cold and raining. You have sneaked
out of your house to the local fortress to conduct some experiments.
When making a call to your fave LDS, you hear an MF routing! What do you do?
A: Continue your call as normal, making a mental note of the occurrence.
B: Quickly hang up and repeat the procedure in the same fashion, in hopes
of getting the routing again, so you may memorize it and post about it.
C: Talk in whispers and glance over your shoulder for Bell security and FBI
vans coming your way.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3: You are in your school's office for disruptive behavior and notice that
they're having some difficulties with call completion. What do you do?
A: You jump up and investigate the source of the problem, calling various
test numbers while you're at it, performing a full battery of tests upon the
line.
B: You grab the phone and dial the repair service, going into a long
technical discussion on bandwidth limitation properties upon PBX type systems.
C: You don't give a fuck and let the bastards figure it out for themselves
since they're the ones who are punishing you for pissing in the corner of the
study hall.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4: You've had a little too much to drink and aren't driving well. Suddenly,
a telephone pole appears in front of your car. You have a head on collision.
You feel blood dripping from the gash in your forehead. What do you do?
A: You climb out of your smashed car and decide to climb the pole and
investigate the aerial distribution box for possible notes left by linemen.
B: You whip out your notebook and take note that there is a can up there
and put the note away for future reference. You then go to the hospital.
C: You wail in dismay that you might have forgotten your new codes in the
trauma.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5: You are on your favorite BBS when you see some loser asking questions
about tracing. What do you do?
A: You ignore the question because you're too elite.
B: You rag the user on every sub boaoard and in mail because ESS DOES
trace you when you make too many calls to the same number.
C: You leave the user twelve pages cpied directly from a manual about
the call trace procedure along with some personal comments on how Bell puts
DNR's on lines if the words 'phreak', 'hack' or 'code' is spoken over it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6: Your mom picks up the phone during a conference and overhears someone
harassing a DA supervisor. Later she asks you about it. What do you do?
A: Say 'Mom, I know you're not going to believe this, but there's a new
company that connects you to a pre-recorded phone conversation for a nominal
users fee.'
B: Say you don't know who it was but then contradict yourself later by
talking about how neat it was to hear Pee Wee abuse a DA supervisor.
C: Get violently sick and leave the room.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7: You have a little static on your telephone line. What do you do?
A: You call up your CO and lodge a formal complaint, branding the personnel
as lazy, inefficient, and decadent, telling them how much of a better job a
true telecom buff like yourself could do.
B: Call your local tone sweep to see if Bell is tracing your line.
C: Hide under your bed until further notice.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8: Your CO is having open house. You plan to go with all enthusiasm, when
you hear that Cindy, whose body measurements are 36-24-36, is having a 20 keg
party with no cover charge. Cindy has expressed deep lust for you within recent
weeks. What do you do?
A: Telephone Cindy covertly from your CO where you are taking the tour and
tell her you're sorry, you can't make it, but you have some great new numbers.
B: Dress in a ninja suit and sneak into your CO through a window.
C: Rush straight to Cindy's to find out that her new 6 foot 10 boyfriend
is supervising the fun and games.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9: You go to a shopping mall where there is a demonstration on a new AT&T
phone. The speaker mentions telephone switching for a brief moment. What do
you do?
A: Run to the nearest restroom and relieve the tension in your bladder.
B: Push your way to the front of the crowd of telephone illiterates and
begin a heated debate on switching systems and analog to digital conversion.
C: Whip out your note pad and remove pencil from behind ear to take notes.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10: You wake up in the morning. What do you do?
A: Forage into your box of trash for interesting tidbits that you may have
missed last night.
B: Pick up the telephone and take reassurance that the Telco hasn't turned
off your dial tone yet.
C: Admonish yourself for forgetting to set the MF routing as your alarm
clock the night before.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For each question that you answered A on, give yourself 5 points. For each
B answer you gave, give yourself 3 points. For each C Answer, give yourself 1
point. Now go back and add up your totals on your handy dandy pocket calculator
and see how you have tested in the G.I.Q (Geek Ignorance Quotient).
50 points and above- You are fucking a amazing, and not just elite, not just
super elite, but super amazingly elite!!!! Pat yourself on the back a few hun-
dred times, you deserve it.
30 points and above- You are not quite as fucking a amazing as those in the
above category, but you're close behind. Keep up the good work and soon you'll
be hearing from the GIQ League!
10 points and above- You are rather sad, because if you haven't realized that
this point scoring system is inaccurate and inefficient, not to mention mathe
matically incorrect, then you should stick to watching Scoody Doo reruns
instead of wasting your time trying to be elite, which will never happen anyway
to anyone who had the ingorance to put up with this worthless exam up till now.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! L0ZER!!! YOU JUST WASTED A GOOD PORTION OF YOUR TIME
READING THIS, BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT WAS GOING 2 BE SOMETHING G00d!!!!!!!HAHA
DAMN I'M ELITE&!$"%"C$"!$!#!3223
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
==Phrack Inc.==
Volume Two, Issue 13, Phile #8 of 10
%%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%%
% + + %
% Phrack Presents... %
% %
* Computerists Underground News-Tabloid *
% By Crimson Death %
% %
% + + %
%%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%=%%
Welcome to the first issue of Computerist's Underground News-Tabloid. Now,
I am sure you are thinking, "aren't 'news' and tabloid basically synonymous?
Isn't that a bit redundant?". Hell, YES! It is! But "we" don't care. Names
don't mean a DAMNED thing to us! Hell, NO! What we care about it NEEEEWS! Hard-
core, FACTUAL news. That's why we tell it like it is. All Bullsh-t aside. You
don't like what you're seeing? Don't read it! These are the "Bob"-damned facts,
buddy. This is a tough world we live in. Things aren't always as pretty as we'd
like them to be. It's a Dog-Eat-Dog world. If you can't take it, you won't make
it, and it's as simple as that. So read and learn! It's OUR world, and only WE
can change it, so keep informed!
Editor-in-Chief
Crimson Death
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DREADFUL DIGITAL DILEMA
"IT'S TRUE!", say top scientists at South Hampton Institute of Technology,
"Within three years, the world will face its worst dilema in ages." A new
strain of virus called C-AIDS (Computer/Artifical Intelligence Deficiency
System) will begin attacking micro-chips around the globe.
Where is it coming from? Scientists aren't quite sure, but believe it to
be a combination of many industrial waste products that float around in the
air, and human virus! How can this be? Well, that is uncertain right now.
Dr. Harry Koch claims, "We just don't know, but it's comming!" Religious
groups claim it's a sign from God to "slow down". Our resident psychic believes
it's a plague sent down by aliens to hinder us in catching up to their
technology.
Just what will this mean? The downfall of many businesses, government
problems, stock market crash, media troubles! You name it! Almost everything is
run by computers these days. The world will be in shambles. Barbarian times
will set in! People will start using their minds! Something needs to be
done, and QUICK!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
QUICK QUOTES
"IT'S TRUE," says:
Line Breaker, "I ran a Commodore 64 BBS with 100 megabytes of storage!"
American Telephone and Telegraph, "Our rates really ARE the cheapest!"
The Traveller, "My Jackin Box plans work! You just play with the little lever
until it pops up!"
Cheshire Catalyst, "I did play Shaggy on Scooby Doo...but, hey, that's all in
the past now!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ROBOT CLONE SEEKS PHREAKS AND TRACKS HACKS
"IT'S TRUE!", say our inside sources, "Bell Telephone Labs is currently
working on a high tech robot to seek out Phone Phreaks and Hackers. I have seen
one...they're almost life like, and it's scary!"
Right now, there are only a few, but BTL plans to soon put them into mass
production. This means Bulletin Board Systems throughout the U.S. will be
teeming with these undercover agents. Two known NERD's (Neurologically
Enhanced Robotic Detectives) are John Maxfield, a Detroit based android running
a business called Board Scan; and Daniel Pasquale, a former officer of the law,
located in California.
How can we protect ourselves? Well, we're not quite sure, but our
resident scientists are working on it now!
More on this topic as it unfolds.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Latest news on Robot Clones: Rumor has it that N.E.R.D., John Maxfield
has contracted a premature case of C-AIDS. If asked, he only denies, but an
inside agent of ours at BTL said that he has been coming there for treatments.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FAMED PHREAK FATHERED BY FUZZIES
"IT'S TRUE!", says a close friend of Scott Ellentuch (better known as
Tuc) the sysop of RACS-III BBS, and former co-editor of Tap Magazine. "He
doesn't like to talk about it, but he was infact raised by a pack of male
Guinea Pigs!"
At the tender age of three months old, the sibling Tuc was abandoned on
a doorstep in Manhattan. Unfortunately for the tot, the owner of the house was
an old druken man, who threw the poor baby into the trash before his wife got
home and found it. Luckily, a pack of wandering Guinea Pigs were on the hunt
for food, an happened upon the child. They then took him to their nesting in
Central Park, and raised him like one of their own.
One day, at the age of 10, Tuc was apprehended by the police after being
caught shopplifting a bag of cedar chips at a local pet shop. It was decided
in court that he was a not a criminal, but just misguided because of his fate.
He was then put in an adoption home until taken in by the Ellentuch's.
A crack reporter of ours decided to seek out these kindly rodents, and
ask about any grievances they may have about little "Zippy" (the name given
to him by his furry brothers). When questioned, they only replied with a
squeek, and left a few dung pellets. I suppose that's their way of saying,
"Come on back, Zip, we miss ya..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NEW PHREAK KLASS CO-SYSOPED BY DEMON FROM HELL
"IT'S TRUE!", says respected Demonologist, Dr. Jack Goff, from Hawaii
State University, founder of the Academy of Supernatural Studies. "A modem
user, who dons the handle 'The Executioner' has been possessed by an evil
demon from the netherworld!"
The Executioner, of New Jersey State, co-sysop of the revived Phreak
Klass 2600 (ran by The Egyptian Lover), and the 'Leader' of the also-revived
PhoneLine Phantoms, was "once a nice person", according to many of his old
friends. What caused his plunge into the sadistic-egotistical world he now
lives in? Black magick!
His mother spoke with us. "Ever since he ate that bad can of Spaghettios,
you know...the ones with the sliced franks, he hasn't been the same.
Day-by-day, he gets worse-and-worse. It's like living with...a...a...monster!"
At that point, the poor woman broke into tears. But, she couldn't have been
more on the money if she were sitting on it! The truth is, while eating a plate
of those Spaghettios (you know, the one's with the sliced franks in them),
he was reading out of a book he bought the week before called "101 Ways to
Summon a Demon". Thinking it was all a bunch of nonsense, he read one of the
'prayers' aloud. From then on, the poor boy has been inhabited by the demon,
Isuzu.
Sorry to say, Dr. Goff claims this demon is a "one of a kind". So far,
there are no known ways to Ex-orcise (pun intended) the dreaded Isuzu. "It's
a shame for the lad...I guess we will have to put up with his sadistic, ego-
tistical, obnoxious, rude, loud, ragging posts and attitudes for awhile."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCIENTIFIC STUDIES SHOW...
If you put an infinate number of Taran King's in a room for an infinate
number of years, you probably still couldn't get Metal Shop Private to stay up
for over 30 days.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LOD/H MEMBER DISMEMBERS MEMBERS
"IT'S TRUE!" says an anonymous member of the 'Modem World', "Until now,
it has been all hush-hush, but in reality, there are only a couple LOD/H
members alive today...it's frightening, and it's hard to believe, yet it
happened."
Just what did happen you ask? What is the truth behind the drop-out of
many LODers? How come the group has dwindled to a petty few? Murder! Yes, cold-
blooded throat-slashing MURDER! "Who? How? Why? ", you say? Well, that's what I
am here for, and that's what you're going to find out.
In December of '86, an LOD/H meeting was held at The Mariott, in
Philadelphia, in which all of the members had attended. During a discussion on
the current MCI cracked-down, someone said, "Hey, let's pause this conver-
sation for 30 minutes, 'Punky Brewster' is coming on." It was at this point
that everyone in the room quieted, and The Videosmith stood up and threw a
glass of Pink Lemonade at the TV. He then ran out of the room yelling "Fuck
this shit! It all makes my balls itch!" Moments later he returned with a 17
inch machete, and a can of Raid. He had shaved his head, and was wearing a
shirt that said, "Buckwheat say 'Drugs NOT O-Tay!'" He was obviously deranged.
He proceded to spray everyone's hair with raid, until the can finally
ran out. As the group stood in awe, he slashed all of them into tiny bite-
size pieces...one by one. He then sat down, and watched the rest of Punky
Brewster, and to this day, has no recollection of what had happened. Only
those few, who had been at Denny's at the time, remained.
Following this massacre, he was treated at the Jason Voorhees Institute
for the Criminaly Insane, and is no longer a member of LOD/H.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, that about raps it up for the first issue of the Tabloid. There may
be a few more in the future, I am not sure at this point right now. I hope you
all enjoyed it, and that only AT&T, The Traveller, and Line Breaker were of-
fended.
I'd like to have some comments on how you felt about it, so let me know.
Also, let me know if you figured out all of the puns and acronyms.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Call these Awesome Boards:
Lou's RBBS.................215-462-4335 Sysop: Louis Acok
Grendel's Liar (sic).......415-679-2600 Sysop: Stan the Man
KKK-Kool BBS...............404-343-5397 Sysop: Kurt Waldheim
==Phrack Inc.==
Volume Two, Issue 13, Phile #9 of 10
[+] Rag [+] Rag [+] Rag [+] Rag [+] Rag [+] Rag [+] Rag [+]
||-----------------------------------------------------||
|| ||
|| ______The Executioner______ ||
|| PHRACK XIII| |PHRACK XIII ||
|| ------------ Thanks: Knight Lightning ------------ ||
|| |PHRACK INC| The Phreakazoid! |PHRACK INC| ||
|| --------------------------------------------------- ||
|| | | ||
|| | Phreak Klass |The Best of Sexy-Exy| Phreak Klass| ||
|| | 806-799-0016 |--------------------| 806-799-0016| ||
|| | EDUCATE |(c) 1987 Sexy-Exy TM| EDUCATE | ||
|| | | | | ||
|| | | Released April 1 | | ||
|| | | ||
|| --------------------------------------------------- ||
[+]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]RAG[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[+]
Welcome to "The Best of Sexy-Exy", a conglomoration of
rags/insults that have been gathered over the past year or
so. All rags are original and are the creation of my genius
mind. I think that this installment is appropriate for the
13th issue of PHRACK.
NO rags are to be taken seriously, they are merely for
entertainment.
There have been events beyond my control during the
process of writing this file, they are enclosed in "**".
Thank you.
============================================================
"Doc Holiday: The man, The myth, The Loze"
Doc Holiday is a man of many diverse talents. I think it's
my place to let the whole world know just how much of a
mental giant he is.
------------------------------------------------------------
First, let's discuss how he manages to engineer the toughest
of AT&T's network men. Here is a typical conversation
between Doc and AT&T. I will interject my comments in
between the brackets [ and ]. Doc will be represented by a
DH.
Return to The Skeptic Tank's main Index page.
The views and opinions stated within this web page are those of the
author or authors which wrote them and may not reflect the views and
opinions of the ISP or account user which hosts the web page. The
opinions may or may not be those of the Chairman of The Skeptic Tank.