By: Norbert Sykes
To: Brad Jackson

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Brad Jackson > All : Doctrine

 BJ> Greetings!
 BJ> I was give this track yesterday by a very good friend
 BJ> out-lining the:

 BJ> The Apostle's Doctrine

 Do you need track lighting to read it?  And why do you call the guy
 a friend?  And aren't we pleased to hear all about this?

 BJ> (Luke 24:46 KJV)  And said unto them, Thus it is written, and thus it
 BJ> behoved Christ to suffer, and to rise from the dead the third day:

 Like bread dough?

 BJ> (Luke 24:47 KJV)  And that repentance and remission of sins should be
 BJ> preached in his name among all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.

 Jerusalem's a nation?

 BJ> (Luke 24:48 KJV)  And ye are witnesses of these things.

 I never saw a thing.

 BJ> (Luke 24:49 KJV)  And, behold, I send the promise of my Father upon
 BJ> you: but tarry ye in the city of Jerusalem, until ye be endued with
 BJ> power from on high.

 Does one get endued with a glue gun or an endue gun?  I'd rather be
 endowed . . .

 BJ> (Acts 1:8 KJV)  But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost
 BJ> is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem,
 BJ> and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the
 BJ> earth.

 The Holy Ghost better not come upon me; I'll kick the sheet out of
 him.  I think the uttermost part of the earth is probably, from
 Jerusalem, Hoboken.

 BJ> (Acts 2:38 KJV)  Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized
 BJ> every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of
 BJ> sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

 . . . a lovely home version of the game . . .

 BJ> (Acts 4:12 KJV)  Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is
 BJ> none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be
 BJ> saved.

 So how many men do you know that are named YHVH?

 BJ> (Gal 1:9 KJV)  As we said before, so say I now again, If any man
 BJ> preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be
 BJ> accursed.

 Now, don't bring Assmotrin into this . . .

 BJ> (Eph 2:20 KJV)  And are built upon the foundation of the apostles and
 BJ> prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone;

 I like the idea of the apostles, prophets, and JC himself being in
 the foundation, along with assorted mobsters and union leaders like
 Jimmy Hoffa.  I just didn't know the Jews worked with cement, though
 I was aware of the fact that the Romans used a kind of cement.  Perhaps
 we could consider this a Xtian time-capsule.  No wonder the body
 was never found.  I do know that two of Jesus's contemporaries were
 named Rocky and The Knife (Paul and Judas).

 BJ> (1 Tim 1:3 KJV)  As I besought thee to abide still at Ephesus, when I
 BJ> went into Macedonia, that thou mightest charge some that they teach no
 BJ> other doctrine,

 Holy MasterCard?

 BJ> (2 Tim 3:16 KJV)  All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is
 BJ> profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction
 BJ> in righteousness:

  . . . heck, just profitable in general, isn't it?

 BJ> I would like to thank that friend that passed this track to me, and
 BJ> the people that wrote it.

 Okay, which one of us supposedly gave you this tract?

 BJ> May God Bless them both!
 BJ> Brad

 Ohhhhh Bra-ad,
 Oh, Janet!

... Brad's not the sharpest tool in the shed.

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Brad Jackson > All : Baptism

 BJ> Greetings!

 Hiya, Brad!

 BJ> Many false preachers (accursed of God) teach that baptism is merely
 BJ> "An outward profession of inward faith" or some such nonsense...
 BJ> It is a lie from the very pits of hell, a trick of the devil to
 BJ> keep people in their sins. Water baptism is the re-birth of Water
 BJ> referred to in John 3:5.

 I make water all the time, so I know what you mean.

 BJ> Mark 16:16 He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he
 BJ> that believeth not shall be damned.

 My dog doesn't believe.  Out, damned Spot!

 BJ> Acts 2:38 Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one
 BJ> of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye
 BJ> shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

 Couldn't they just get chemotherapy?

 BJ> Acts 2:41  Then they that gladly received his word were baptized: and
 BJ> the same day there were added [unto them] about three thousand souls.

 Ah, collecting souls for fun and profit.  Many of them are valuable
 . . .

 BJ> Acts 10:45 And they of the circumcision which believed were
 BJ> astonished, as many as came with Peter, because that on the Gentiles
 BJ> also was poured out the gift of the Holy Ghost.

 What was astonishing it that they'd allow their winkies to get
 whacked like that!  Ow!

 BJ> Acts 10:46 For they heard them speak with tongues, and magnify God.

 Warning, Gods in the Rear View Mirror may appear larger than they
 are . . .

 BJ> Then answered Peter,
 BJ> Acts 10:47 Can any man forbid water, that these should not be
 BJ> baptized, which have received the Holy Ghost as well as we?

 Forbid water?  What if you're thirsty?  How about Kool-Aid?  I bet
 that's why the Church is loosing members all the time (no snide
 remarks, now!) . . . it's because they don't have a Kool-Aid
 baptism.  Look how Jim Jones made out with grape Kool-Aid . . .

 BJ> Acts 10:48 And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of the
 BJ> Lord. Then prayed they him to tarry certain days.

 I hate the smell of hot tarry.  Gravel doesn't bother me much,
 though.

 BJ> Acts 19:4 Then said Paul, John verily baptized with the baptism of
 BJ> repentance, saying unto the people, that they should believe on him
 BJ> which should come after him, that is, on Christ Jesus.

 Jesus came AFTER John?  Good, then they were both satisfied, right?
 How considerate of JC . . .

 BJ> Acts 19:5 When they heard [this], they were baptized in the name of
 BJ> the Lord Jesus.

 . . . a lot more etherial than water . . .

 BJ> Acts 22:16 And now why tarriest thou? arise, and be baptized, and wash
 BJ> away thy sins, calling on the name of the Lord.
 BJ> ** Sins are washed away in Jesus' name baptism **

 But does he get out those stubborn skid marks?

 BJ> Romans 6:3 Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus
 BJ> Christ were baptized into his death?

 Ooops, just talked _me_ out of it.  Did you mean the baptismee's
 death, or JC's?  If you meant JC, it won't matter, you can't kill
 the Jewish Terminator . . .

 BJ> Galatians 3:27 For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ
 BJ> have put on Christ.

 But where do you get shoes to match?