Date: 18 Apr 87  19:53:24
From: Geoff Gilpin
To:   All
Subj: This is SATIRE, folks.
 
 Now that the courts have declared that Secular Humanism is a religion, can a
 Secular Humanist cable TV network be far behind?  Here's a page from the TV
 Guide listings for the Agnostic Broadcasting Company:
 
 8:30  AM  THE MORNING TRUTH: News
       Politically correct reporters offer biased interpretations
       of the day's events.
 9:00  AM  SOLIDARITY STREET: Children
       Susan teaches the girls to hate males.  Ralph and Eduardo discover how
       multiplication can help them boycott non-union products.
 10:00 AM  SKEPTI-CISE: Aerobics
       Take off pounds with leading Free Thinkers.
 10:30 AM  A WORLD OF NOTHING: Soap Opera
       Julie and Steve argue.  Biff confronts Walt.  Maggie turns to drugs.
       Dick discovers he is pregnant.
 11:00 AM  WHEEL OF EVOLUTION: Game
 11:30 AM  THE 666 CLUB: Religion
       Host Aleister Crowley is joined by guests Madeline Murray O'Hair, Ozzy
       Osborne, and Adam Weishaupt in a special taped segment.  Topics
       include banning the Bible and overthrowing traditional family values.
 12:30 PM  THE SECULAR MOUSE SHOW: Cartoon
       Secular Mouse battles Dogma Dog on the Planet of the Jesuits.
 1:00  PM  PHIL DONAHUE: Talk
       Phil's guests are members of the Boston Chapter of Americans United
       Against the Fifth Commandment, who discuss the rewards of parent
       hatred.
 2:00  PM  AFTERNOON MOVIE: Movie
       Scheduled: Debbie Does Dallas.
 4:00  PM  MARIJUANA HORTICULTURE: Home Improvement
       Gardening tips for budget-minded hemp users.  Chef Ramone makes
       hashish brownies.
 4:30  PM  PLEDGE BREAK: Money
 6:00  PM  THE ABC EVENING NEWS: News
       At press time, reporter Sam Donaldson was scheduled to insult
       an authority figure.
 6:30  PM  M*A*S*H: Pacifist Comedy
       When a war-loving General visits the 4077th, Hawkeye and the gang
       use practical jokes to make him doubt his manhood.
 7:00  PM  PORNOGRAPHY: Sex
       Bodily orifices are explored.
 8:00  PM  OUR SOVIET HERITAGE: Documentary
       Join host Jane Fonda in her musical tribute to Leon Trotsky. Guests:
       The Bolshoi Ballet, the Surplus Value Chorus.
 10:00 PM  THE NEUTRAL GENDER SHOW: Comedy
       Anti-family comedians do hilarious spoofs of Bill Cosby and Michael
       Landon.
 Midnite   SERMONETTE: Superstition
       Un-Denominational Prayer and Benediction.
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 * Origin: APPLEGATE - Appleton, Wi. (414) 738-1219  (Opus 139/630)