A classic from Roland -- My reply to Helena ("The 'Ho") Kobrin

17 Mar 2001

From: Roland <roland.rashleigh-berry@_SPAMTRAP_virgin.net
Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
Subject: My reply to Helena
Date: Fri, 31 Oct 1997 21:10:37 +0000
Message-ID: <345A494D.1D4E@_SPAMTRAP_virgin.net

I got an email from a legal representative of the Church of Scientology today. I will enclose the original email and my reply at the end of this post. These legal emails are becoming quite common and I note that some of those emails and the replies sent to them are webbed by various posters here.

These emails allow the posters to exercise their own wit and sharp thinking in giving a reply. The effect of the reply is to let the sender know that they are no fools either when it comes to legal matters and they were not intimidated by the email and nor are they ever likely to be.

They let the sender know in a well worded response that they have crossed swords with an equal if not more competant player in the legal arena.

It reminds me of sword fighting as seen on some adventure films such as those featuring the Scarlet Pimpernel. An English dandy and a fop to all appearances but a cunning and daring fighter and expert swordsman his real identity. The Scarlet Pimpernel would come up against the evil swordfighting Frenchman, with the Frenchman expecting an easy victory only to find that he had bitten of more than he was able to chew.

There would be scenes where the swords would be locked with the Frenchamn smiling, sensing victory, only for the two fighters to push each other apart. Then the Frenchman would wonder why a button had just fallen of his jacket. This would happen again and the Frenchman would get increasingly worried and desperate as the Scarlet Pimpernel would increasingly take control of the situation.

The legal profession employs this sabre rattling and bluster a great deal but when it comes to the real fight then the clear thinking and clever fighting skills show through and the best player will often be the victor.

In replying to the email I received I did indeed consider myself to be a sort of aristocratic and oh so English Scarlet Pimpernel of the legal arena. In replying I used my sharpness of thought and keeness of wit to let the sender know that they have indeed crossed swords with someone who was their equal or better and that whatever they had previously thought would be an easy victory would end up nothing of the sort.

In short they are brought to realise that they have thrown down a challenge to a talented player in the legal arena and they could have a real fight on their hands.

It is with great pleasure, therefore, that I join that illustrious group of posters on ars who have had the pleasure of drafting a witty and considered response to an email hinting at or even threatening legal action. I proudly present my reply to as well as the original email I received.

-=- Begin original e-mail from criminal enterprise -=-

Return-Path: <hkk@netcom.com Received: from smtprelay1-gui.server.virgin.net ([]) by mail1-gui.server.virgin.net (Post.Office MTA v3.1 release PO203a ID# 549-33929U100000L2S50) with ESMTP id AAA9314 for <roland.rashleigh-berry@virgin.net; Fri, 31 Oct 1997 20:44:23 +0000 Received: from netcom10.netcom.com ([]) by smtprelay1-gui.server.virgin.net (Post.Office MTA v3.1 release PO203a ID# 0-0U10L2S100) with ESMTP id AAA11913 for <roland.rashleigh-berry@virgin.net; Fri, 31 Oct 1997 20:43:55 +0000 Received: (from hkk@localhost) by netcom10.netcom.com (8.8.5-r-beta/8.8.5/(NETCOM v1.02)) id MAA20375; Fri, 31 Oct 1997 12:43:21 -0800 (PST) Date: Fri, 31 Oct 1997 12:43:17 -0800 (PST) From: Helena Kobrin <hkk@netcom.com Subject: Unauthorized Use of Copyrighted Materials To: roland.rashleigh-berry@virgin.net Message-ID: <Pine.3.89.9710311223.A20237-0100000@netcom10 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII

Dear Mr. Rashleigh-Berry:

As you are well-aware, I represent Religious Technology Center ("RTC"), the owner of the confidential Advanced Technology of the Scientology religion [sic] and the holder of exclusive rights under the copyrights applicable to the Advanced Technology materials.

The Advanced Technology materials are confidential, unpublished, copyrighted works, which includes certain confidential and unpublished tape-recorded lectures by Mr. L. Ron Hubbard. I also represent the Church [sic] of Scientology International ("CSI"), the exclusive licensee of the copyrights to tape-recorded lectures of the Scientology religion [sic] that are not part of the Advanced Technology.

You have already been advised and obviously know that you have placed RTC's and CSI's tape-recorded copyrighted works on your home page, without the authorization of my clients. These works can be found under the following URLs:

http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/BTs.ra http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/Casbah.ra http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/Christgm.ra http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/Crowley.ra http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/DC-8s.ra http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/Dumping.ra http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/Friends.ra http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/Helabtrob.ra http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/Helicopt.ra http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/Jupiter.ra http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/Nochrist.ra http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/Obscdog.ra http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/RomnCath.ra http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/Vanallen.ra http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/Venusloc.ra http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/XenuRA.ra http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/PopeW6UK.zip http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/PopeW6US.zip http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/XenuW6US.zip http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/XenuW6UK.zip http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/XenxW6US.zip http://www.primenet.com/~xenu.bat/XenxW6UK.zip

As I have advised you about this before, your actions in this regard constitute copyright infringement and you are therefore violating the copyright laws of the United States. I have repeatedly had to warn you of this action. You have repeatedly ignored my warnings and forced your two previous access providers to remove these materials from their system. I have informed your current access provider of all of your actions in this regard.

Please remove these materials immediately.

Sincerely, Helena Kobrin

-=- End crime syndicate e-mail -=-

Dear Ms Kobrin:

Fuck Off.

Roland Rashleigh-Berry.


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