Scientology Crime Syndicate

From hkhenson@netcom.com Thu Dec 10 00:15:01 1998
Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
Subject: Warn your cats Dec 10
From: Keith Henson <hkhenson@netcom.com>
Date: Thu, 10 Dec 1998 08:15:01 GMT


Put the coffee down, well off to the side of the keyboard and swallow before you read any further. Not responsible for disturbed cats in your lap or on top of the monitor.

(I did not write this, or see it happen, but there were several witnesses. Vince was the OSA guy in the green shirt.)

Keith Henson

OOOH, WISE GUY A Real-Life Farce in One Unnatural Act

The Characters:

VINCE, a young OSA agent hailing from Mexico;

PROTESTER, a tall bespectacled man;


COP, a member of Clearwater's Finest.

(The curtain draws back to reveal the front of the Ft. Harrison Hotel, which is being picketed by scientology foes. COP is standing at the corner of the hotel. As PROTESTER passes COP, VINCE -notebook in hand- approaches PROTESTER...)

VINCE: Uhh, excuse me. - you told me your name yesterday and uh...I forgot to write it down. Can you tell me again?

PROTESTER. Sure. It's David Johanson (NB: the name of a popular '8O's rock star).

VINCE: Thanks. Hey (motioning to the other picketers) do you know any of the people out here?

PROTESTER: Of course...

VINCE: Can you tell me their names?

PROTESTER: Sure. Do you see that guy over there?


PROTESTER: That's Curley.

VINCE: (writing) Can you spell that please?

POTESTER: Yup. C-U-R-L-E-Y. Curley.

COP: (Begins to laugh but stops when PROTESTER shoots him a glance)

VINCE.. And his last name?

PROTESTER: Sorry, I dunno, man.

VINCE: Who else do you know?

PROTESTER: See that guy over there?

VINCE: Lerma?

PROTESTER: No, Not Lerma. The guy next to him with the white sign.

VINCE: Oh, yea...who's he?

PROTESTER: That's Larry.

COP: (desperately trying not to laugh)

VINCE: (writing) Larry. Last name?

PROTESTER: Not sure.

VINCE: OK. Anyone else?

PROTESTER.. yea. See that guy there?

VINCE: Uh huh.

PROTESTER: Now that guy...

COP: (Turning red, close to tears)

VINCE: (pen at the ready) Yea...

PROTESTER: No, that's..

COP: (Bright red, holding it in)


COP: (Bursts out laughing, quickly covers mouth)

VINCE: (still oblivious) Last name?

PROTESTER: Umm...not sure. I think it might be Mcpherson.

VINCE: (finishing writing) Thanks a lot.

(Exeunt VINCE)

COP: (laughing hysterically, places hand on head and makes an up/down motion)

Woop woop woop woop!

PROTESTER: (walking away, to COP) Nnuck, nnuck nnuck.



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