Sasha: My Experience Leaving Scientology
In article <7fluji$9f9$1@nnrp1.dejanews.com>, sashaz@my-dejanews.com says...
Hi All,
This is my first time I've written to this group.
I was born and raised a Scientologist. I went to Scientology schools
(Apple School and Delphi Academy). When I was 18, I was in a head on
accident on the 210 freeway in LA.
It was awful - in a coma, head trauma, all kinds of broken bones. Well,
in my recovery, it was suggested that I go to Australia to do the
"Key to Life" course. It was during that experience that I
had some life chaning experiences which totally changed my life, and
eventually pulled me out of Scientology.
If you are interested, my story is below.
Charlotte L. Kates
Sasha,
Thank you so much for your post. It's a wonderful story of a second-generation
Scientologist coming in contact with nothing more than the truth, which is, in
the end, devastating to involvement in Scientology. It's absolutely true that
the illusions of the Scientology world simply cannot stand up when confronted
with the plain, simple, unpleasant reality of what Scn is, what CoS is, what LRH
was.
I remember last year, heading up to a Scn "Education Conference" at New York
Org, in the car with two other Philadelphia Scientologists. One, Trina, had been
in for several years; the other, Dave, had been in for decades. Due to his long
association with CoS, he knew the truth of certain happenings whose history has
since been rewritten or ignored since. Now, before I'd become involved in Scn,
I'd seen a bit of criticism of Scientology--I hadn't read it deeply, and I was
far too willing to give Scn a chance--but this conversation was the first that
confirmed to me that perhaps some of what I'd seen before Scientology might just
be true. Dave was an honest Scientologist; from what I knew of him, he wasn't
overly fond of adopting the latest PR line or management story. And as Trina sat
and wondered about how wonderful it must have been to be a child of LRH, Dave
sat back and said that he wondered if it was really that wonderful, and that he
wasn't sure LRH was all that great a father, and had we heard that one of his
sons had committed suicide? The topic drifted over to Hubbard's family life in
general, and to Mary Sue and the GO. Trina asked about Hubbard's wife, and Dave
replied that she had gone to jail, and explained the Snow White operation as
follows: "Well, we thought the government was spying on us, so we decided to spy
back on them, and got caught." Nothing about off-policy, about hidden
suppressives, about disobeying LRH; and this in itself made me wonder about the
veracity of management's version. Dave was a person who was around for the
original event, and his version contrasted sharply with the official one, and so
I asked about the official story. Dave replied that *something* had to be done
to save Scn from the government, to save LRH from going to jail.
Dave was a man who would never believe that LRH was a liar, a harsh, mean man
who made life miserable for those who worked most closely with him. Dave
believed in LRH, CoS and the tech. But Dave told the truth about the part of the
truth of Scn that he knew, and in doing so, it opened my own eyes much wider as
to the truth of what Scientology was. It became apparent that what I might read
in _What is Scientology?_ or "International Scientology News", or hear as an
explanation for what I'd read on the Internet from the DSA might be not true.
That, in effect, Scientology might be lying to me.
And Dave, I'm sure it wasn't the intended effect of that conversation, but on
the off chance you ever see it, thanks. You helped get me out.
And Sasha, thank you again for this wonderful post about the power of honesty
upon Scientology. I'd also like to ask permission to web this on my web page at
http://www.offlines.org/exscns.html -- please let me know!
Charlotte
Sasha's original post left intact below:
Leaving Scientology
I was sitting in this Scientology lounge in Sydney Australia, where I got to
meet all sorts of people, from all walks of life, with so many different
experiences in Scientology. What most interested me, was my conversations
with those who knew L. Ron Hubbard. He was the one who put this whole
organization together. I knew, or so I thought, so much about this man. He
was born in Montana, this incredibly successful pulp fition science fiction
writer, and he created everything that there was to Scientology. His
writings and studies and path was, as I knew it, the only reliable path to
total freedom. LRH was modest about it though. He didn’t say it was the
best way to total freedom, or the quickest; it was, however, the only way
currently available. In my upbringing, I did a number of Scientology
courses, and I had to listen to hours and hours of LRH talking.
In anycase, there I was in the lounge at the Sydney Org, talking to a few
people who knew LRH when he was alive. I used to ask: “So, what was he
like?”
“Oh wow, he made you feel so important. He was so efficient, keen to every
detail. He always got the job done and made you feel important in being a
part of the team.”
I remember asking a few people. I always got a similar basic response: “He
knew what he was doing, and it was great to be around him.” It became
curious to me, beause he was SO great. Yes, I knew all of this stuff.
Christ, I went to Scientology’s version of Sunday School, where we learned of
LRH’s life -- what a bore. We’ve all heard how great he is, but isn’t he
human? Did he ever have a bad day?
So the perfect man, that’s what my upbringing was based on. My father, and
until I was 15, my mother, were indoctrinated in Scientology, and they raised
me with the principles brought forth from this incredibly great man. I
suppose I was flattered, and considered myself lucky.
I remember being in a course room, and always at the end of a course session
we would share wins -- what successes and learnings were gained that evening.
And people would share their bit. Usually somebody always thanked L. Ron
Hubbard. This was fair enough, after all, he made this all possible didn’t
he? He wrote everything. Afterward, the Supervisor would say, “And now
let’s thank Mr. L. Ron Hubbard, who made this all possible.” And everyone
stood up and applaud to his picture. I never questioned this before, as this
happened every night at the end of a course session. Well, after recently
hearing how lucky I was to be led by this GREAT man, I stood there clapping
thinking, “he really deserves this appreciation.”
Well days past, and I constantly thought of how GREAT this man was, and I
finally had to start asking, “how do I know he’s this great?” I had this
hypothetical idea come up to test his greatness. It went something like this:
Let’s suppose LRH were still alive. Now, let’s suppose some incredibly evil
errorist invaded LRH’s home, ransacked his house, got through all the lines,
and put a gun to his head. The terrorist says: “You’ve got two choices, you
can let me kill you, or you can find 5 people to die for you -- which do you
choose?”
At first it seemed simple. If this man is SO great, he’d take his own life.
He is a greater being than any other on this planet, and he could take this
death better than anyone else. From outside his body, he could be more
effective.
For the time being, my curiosity was satiated. Days went by, and the
hypothetical situation remained in my head. There was no way for me to know
the answer to this hypothectical situation, but there was something
compelling about it. I accepted that LRH was great, so it worked. However,
let’s let’s look at this another way. Granting that LRH doesn’t have an evil
bone in his body, how easy would it be for him to get the other 5 to die for
him?
That’s a new question. What was shocking for me to realize, was actually it
wouldn’t be hard for him to get these 5 people at all. As a matter of fact, I
believe my own fatehr would have volunteered. If LRH simply asked, in a kind
and gentle way, that he needed 5 people to die, so he could continue with his
work, people would come in droves. Hell, there are people who have didicated
the next billion years of their existence to this man’s organization.
This didn’t say anything about the sort of man LRH was, but it does say
something about the organization he created, and the people who follow it.
Some people in Scientology would put LRH and Scientology above themselves.
And so the question began: How do I feel about being a part of an
organization that condones this. I believe my life is rather valuable, and
it would be pretty hard for me to put another’s life above mine, especially
someone I had never met.
When I got back to the States, I decided to stay with my God-Mother, June
Cline. June used to work with LRH, and she had left Scientology by this time.
It was perfect. One morning we went out for breakfast. These questions of
LRH were bothering me, so I asked: “What was Ron like?”
“Oh, you don’t want to ask me.”
“No, I do. I want to know what this man is like.”
“If you want to get your answer, you should ask someone in the church.”
Actually, I don’t remember the conversation, but what I do remember, is that
it took a long time to get her to answer my question. Finally, she said, “I
thought he was a jerk. He knew what he wanted, and he did what ever it took
to get it, at any expense. He had no care for the people, he just wanted to
get what he wanted. I didn’t like him very much.”
TRUTH!! I finally hit somebody’s honest view of the man. He’s human, and
thank God. With this I could be happy, and go back to Scientology with some
truth that only I knew.
From there though, she had openned my eyes to a slew of things he had done,
that concurred with him being SUCH a jerk. He stole millions of dollars from
the church, he kid-napped his own daughter, he let his wife go to prison, and
he lied all the way to get there.
So began my journey out of the church.
Later that year, I went to a Scientology event. New Year’s or something, and
for the first time I noticed that I was already an outsider. I wasn’t so
crazy about LRH, and everybody else thought he was the greatest thing that
ever happened. It was hard for me to enjoy the process.
I told my Dad, when I next saw him at some family reunion in Ukiah. He
supported my questioning, but I don’t think he was so comfortable with the
amount of questioning I was doing.
By Scientology terms, I began to think of myself in the condition of “Doubt.”
For conditions, that’s pretty low, and nobody really likes to be there. I
think the toughtest part of being in this condition, was telling my
Scientology friends, my only friends. By saying I’m in doubt with
Scientology, is like saying, I’m in doubt with having you as a friend. My
friends didn’t take it so well. One of my best friends, Michael Coleman,
wrote me a letter of disconnection, as I was no longer a safe person to talk
to. My father told me that he didn’t know if he and I should carry the
father/son relationship we had. He chose the Church, at this time, over me.
My friend Chris Currier called me up, and wanted me to say where I stood with
Scientology. He said he wanted to hear it from the “horse’s mouth.”
Basically, I told him that I was on my way out of the church. He said, that
he was disappointed to hear it, and said he was disconnecting from me. With
some slight rage inside me, I told him that Scientology would never “Clear
the planet.” When he asked why, I said “because there would always be
someone like me around.” He called me an asshole, and that was the last we
spoke.
Later on, I ran into one of my high school class mates, Alison Prigle. She
asked me about where I stood, as she said she had read several reports on me.
I told her honestly of the books I had read, and the questions I was asking.
I told her I didn’t expect her to disconnect, but I was prepared, as several
friends had already made that choice. She started to cry. She didn’t want
to disconnect from me. The first human experience I got in the process of
leaving Scientology. That took some time for me to figure out. Everyone
else responded almost robotically, but not Alison. Unfortunately, we didn’t
keep in touch.
A couple years ago (about 6 years after I left) I got a call from Michael
Coleman, who told me of a reunion that Delphi was having for its graduates.
I had always felt bad about Chris, so I asked how everyone was doing,
including Chris. Michael, in a surprised voice said, “you didn’t hear?”
Chris had died a year earlier of bone concer. I didn’t get to make my peace
with Chris. I didn’t even get to say good-bye, or to know that he had died.
I wasn’t worth the effort I suppose. What a shocker, and what a life to
live.
I went to the High School reunion. Everyone was nice. Nonody asked about my
status. Life goes on.
So, that’s my quick story. One day I’d like to write the whole damn thing
out. Since then I’ve gone through all kinds of experiences.
Thanks,
Sasha
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Charlotte L. Kates CLKates@aol.com
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