From: stacy8@gte.net (Stacy Brooks Young) 9/9/98 17:00
This is a message to all former Scientologists, particularly former Sea Org
members. It is about a newfound hope I have that it is possible for all of
us to recover -- fully recover -- from the abuse to which we were subjected
inside the cult.
I have spoken to many, many former Scientologists since I became a public
critic of Scientology in 1993. Just about every single person I've talked
to has told me how much their experience in Scientology damaged them. But
I could count on the fingers of one hand the people who have felt there
was anywhere or anyone they could turn to for help in recovering from the
damage.
I felt the same way. When I finally escaped from Scientology in July 1989,
I had been spiritually, psychologically and emotionally raped -- brutally
and viciously, repeatedly -- over a period of nearly fifteen years. There
is really no other way to describe my experience, particularly my Sea Org
experience. The abuse was horrific, relentless, and utterly inescapable,
so that by the time I finally got out, all I wanted was to put the
experience behind me. Friends who had never been in Scientology suggested
I get therapy, but I never did. I never wanted anyone else to get inside
my head again. For me, the issue was not whether or not I needed therapy.
I didn’t care if I did or not. All I knew was that I never wanted to make
myself vulnerable to that kind of nightmarish, soul-cracking betrayal again.
In the nine years since I got out of Scientology I've privately felt that
I was "damaged goods" in a fundamental way, that the harm that
was done to me in the cult was so deep and so severe that I would always
carry what Dennis Erlich has very aptly described as "soul scars."
I simply came to terms with the knowledge that I would never fully recover.
My attitude was, "I may be crazy, but at least it's my craziness.
I'll never allow anyone into my mind again. "I have some dear friends
who are also former Sea Org members, and I’ve heard similar things from
them. We've all resigned ourselves to being "damaged" for the
rest of our lives. We've agreed that we’d rather live with the damage than
risk another mind rape at the hands of any therapist.
But I've recently spent two weeks at Wellspring, and I've changed my mind.
Totally. These people at Wellspring actually helped me. Then Vaughn went,
and they helped him, too. Now I want every former Scientologist to go to
Wellspring.
Let me tell you my history with this place.
I met the two people who run Wellspring, Paul Martin and Ron Burks, at the
Cult Awareness Network conference in Cleveland in November 1994. I saw
both of them speak about Wellspring, and I was impressed by what they
said. I thought Wellspring sounded like a great place for people who had
been in other cults. But neither Paul nor Ron were ever in Scientology,
much less the Sea Org. So although I never said it to either of them,
privately I knew they would never be able to help me. Only another Sea
Org member could possibly understand what I had been through -- that was
privately how I felt.
So I never did go to Wellspring, and I never got any other kind of therapy
either. I just lived with it. But it became more and more difficult for me.
As my involvement in exposing Scientology’s criminality intensified, so did
Scientology’s harassment and intimidation of me. As most people reading this
know all too well, they work very hard to find a person's vulnerable points
and trigger them. If anyone has any doubt that Scientology uses supposedly
confidential information against any former member who publicly criticizes
them, I can tell you from personal experience that they do. And they don't
just pull information about things a person has done in their life that might
be embarrassing or damaging. I don't really care about that. I had to make
that decision at the same time that I made the decision to speak out publicly
about them. I knew what they would do to me. I knew they would destroy my
privacy.
But they do something else which I think is much worse. They pull information
out of your pc folders about what you care about, what hurts you, what matters
to you, and then they go after you on the things that matter to you the most.
They take everything good about you and turn it into something perverted and
ugly. That has been the most difficult aspect of Scientology’s harassment of
me. The fact that every time they have hurt me it has only strengthened my
resolve has not made the hurt any less painful. And I have been aware that I
was being affected by their tactics more than a non-Scientologist would be,
because they know my buttons so well, and because when they push one of my
buttons it triggers so many painful experiences that have been completely
unprocessed by any kind of therapy.
So over the past several years I have become more and more acutely aware of
the emotional and psychological baggage I’ve been carrying with me from my
experience in Scientology. And because of that, I have been getting
increasingly open to the idea of therapy.
Something else has happened, too. I've made a commitment to help people get
out of Scientology or recover once they're out. Because of that commitment,
I've been seeing very clearly that something more than just being a good
friend is needed for all of us who have been through this psychological
terrorism called Scientology.
It was Bob Minton who convinced me to go to Wellspring. He had been there
himself earlier in the summer, and after his own experience there, Bob felt
strongly that I could trust the people at Wellspring to help me recover, not
only from my Scientology experience but also from a childhood which was
extremely abusive emotionally and psychologically.
Bob knew how I felt about therapy. He has heard the same thing from many of
the former Scientologists he has befriended. So really he urged me to go not
only because he felt that it could help me, but also because he knew how
suspicious former Scientologists are of anyone calling themselves a
therapist, and he thought perhaps if I gave Wellspring my stamp of approval,
others might be willing to get help as well. He was hopeful that I might
tell people that Wellspring is a place they can trust.
I resisted his urging at first. I told him I didn’t need any therapy. I was
totally fine, I told him. Therapy was for others, not for me, I insisted. But
Bob can be extremely persistent, as you have probably noticed. He wouldn’t let
go of this idea for me to go to Wellspring. Finally I agreed to go, not for
myself, of course. I would go, I told him, so I would be in a position to let
other people know whether or not it is a good program. OK, I said, for the
sake of everyone else, I'll go.
I spoke to Ron Burks, one of the therapists, on the telephone at length,
asking him all kinds of questions, trying to sound perfectly fine but
feeling extremely triggered at the very idea of going to this place in
the middle of southern Ohio, in the middle of nowhere, as far as I could
tell. Ron was perfectly willing to answer all my questions. Mainly I wanted
to know if I would be free to come and go as I pleased. Yes, he assured me.
I could rent a car and stay in Athens if I felt more comfortable that way.
It was true, he said, that there is a gate at the beginning of the driveway,
but it’s only to keep Scientology's private investigators off Wellspring's
private property so they can't harass anyone who is there trying to recover.
Contrary to the article that Scientology published in FREEDOM Magazine, he
said, the Wellspring lodge has many, many windows and absolutely no locks
on any of the bedroom doors. I hadn't seen the article he was referring
to, but I knew from Bob’s description of the lodge that what Ron said was
true.
The day arrived when I was scheduled to fly to Columbus, Ohio. I woke up
feeling extremely reluctant to go. But I had made a commitment to do this
thing, and I was determined to go through with it. I flew to Columbus on
Sunday, July 26, and spent the night at a hotel near the airport. The next
afternoon I took a shuttle down to Athens, Ohio, and from there, one of
the Wellspring staff picked me up and drove me to Albany, about 20 minutes
away.
Perhaps it reminded me of being driven from LA to the secret international
management compound (known simply as "Int") in Gilman Hot Springs
in 1988. I was "on the decks" at Int for three months after
Vaughn and I tried to escape and were caught in Hemet. Maybe it was too
much like the night two guards woke me up at four a.m. and esorted me to
a van, which drove me from Int down to LA for nine months in the RPF.
Perhaps just the thought of driving further and further away from town
was what frightened me. All I know is that by the time we turned into the
Wellspring gravel driveway it was all I could do to keep from opening the
door and running as far away from that place as I could. I was utterly
frantic. My heart was beating really fast, I was trembling, my head was
poundng. I was in a full-blown triggered state. I was a wreck.
But I tried my best to act rational. I sat in my seat as calmly as I could
until we arrived at the lodge, which was a beautiful A-frame with a
breathtaking wall of windows. And the countryside was beautiful, absolutely
beautiful. It occurred to me that this place might be OK. We went inside
and a woman named Sue greeted me. She and another person named Jay were
very friendly. It occurred to me that it was not at all like it was when
I was routed to the RPF at four in the morning back in 1982.
I chatted with Sue for quite a while and we became friends right away. She
was in charge of the lodge, and I would soon find out that one of her duties
was keeping the kitchen stocked with plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables
and all kinds of delicious food. Later I took a long walk alone to explore
the countryside. Along the way I met several neighborhood dogs, who
befriended me immediately. They all went with me for my run every day
while I was there.
By the end of the first evening I knew I was going to like it at Wellspring.
In truth, by the end of my two-week stay there, I loved it at Wellspring.
I woke up every morning at 6:00 and went for a three- to four-mile run
through glorious country -- God's country, I found myself calling it. In
the early morning the sunlight was just peeking over the trees, pink clouds
were floating in the light blue sky, the dew was still on the meadows, and
the morning glories were still in bloom. The birds were all singing and
playing in the trees and there wasn't another human being in sight. I felt
like I had all of southern Ohio to myself. It was quite exhilarating.
I got back to the lodge in time for a shower and a cup of coffee before my
therapy session with Ron Burks from 8:30 to 10:30 every morning. What a
delightful person Ron is! Not only did he help me tremendously as a therapist
but I also came to think of him as a very good friend. He has such a depth of
understanding of the dynamics of abuse, which is fundamentally what the cult
experience is all about, from my perspective. It was incredibly therapeutic to
be able to describe many of the nightmarish experiences I had in Scientology
and know that my therapist knew exactly what I had gone through.
My therapy sessions in the morning were the only structured part of my day. I
usually logged onto the internet for a couple of hours before lunch, and after
lunch I had the option of watching some of the hundreds of videos in the
Wellspring library about cults, mind control and related topics. I watched a
number of fascinating programs while I was there. But for the most part, I
handled my email, logged onto a.r.s., worked on a writing project I’ve been
doing, chatted with others who were at Wellspring when I was, and spent as
much time as possible outside.
Vaughn also spent a couple of weeks at Wellspring recently. I told him how
much I felt I had benefited from my stay there and for the first time in
his life, Vaughn was willing to talk to someone about what happened to him
in Scientology. You have to understand that in 1987, David Miscavige
thought Vaughn was trying to take over Scientology with Pat Broeker. This
was ridiculous; Vaughn didn’t even know Pat was planning on trying to oust
DM. But DM was convinced that Vaughn was one of Pat's key infiltrators
into ASI and he set out to break Vaughn with a vengeance. All I will say
is that DM and his henchmen went after Vaughn relentlessly, viciously and
mercilessly. They set out to break him so that he could never be a threat
to DM's empire. They were cruel without limits and it went on for weeks,
and they did succeed in breaking Vaughn. Then they did it several more
times over a period of a year and a half, just for good measure. The
damage Vaughn suffered in Scientology was much, much more severe than
anything I went through. Some day he will tell his story and then DM and
his little Nazi soldiers will hide in shame for the way they treated him.
So for Vaughn to be willing to go to Wellspring was an incredible blessing
for his own sake. Here is what he wrote to a friend of ours about his first
impressions of the place. It is as good a description as I can imagine of
"a day in the life" of person at Wellspring. (I am reproducing
it here with his permission.)
"The first thing Wellspring offers is a chance to recuperate, through
rest and good food. There is no schedule. One can sleep, walk, be alone or
whatever. One is in complete control of one’s environment and the schedule.
Even when I make an appointment to meet with a counselor (more on this
later) or the workshop (more on this later), I can cancel or change it at
my will. That is important here in the recovery process, that one has
complete, full control over one's schedule.
"I'm the only one here right now. If there were a couple more people,
the food schedule might change a bit but there is still a full refrigerator
and pantry and the freedom to ask for whatever foods one wants them to
stock.
"The "lodge" (the building where one stays) is strikingly
similar to the house on Vashon, down to the angled front, high roof on the
living room, the deck outside, lots of wood, etc. Quite amazing. There is
the "office," a couple hundred feet away, a two story building.
The whole place is back in the woods, very isolated which means private
which means quiet. The grounds and the surrounding countryside are rolling
hills with tons of trees. Here we also have some open mowed grass. Very
pretty. I've gone for walks on the gravel roads. There are some homes
scattered about but they are scarce.
"This countryside is very rural with lots of farms. Most of the roads
are two-lane, sweeping and dipping around the hills. Few cars and no
scarcity of deer. Weather has been good, with sun each day, sometimes
quite warm and humid, but the Lodge is nicely air conditioned if it is
too much on the porch on the side or the deck out front.
"There are three bedrooms with multiple beds. The place can easily
take 9 people. (I was told the most has been 6 clients at one time.) There
is a library filled with all sorts of books re cults and religions and
abuse. Lots of videos and audio tapes.
"There is a "residence coordinator" (RC) who sleeps in one
room who takes care of the place, cleaning it, fixing the meals and getting
whatever is needed. (The only restriction is that Wellspring is
drug/alcohol-free. More on this later.) The RC job rotates between
several people. The RC otherwise stays out of one's way. The most he/she
does is ask what one wants to eat and prepares it. The RC has also driven
me into the closest town (Athens - 12 mile away) when I wanted to shop
or go to a movie.
"Athens is perhaps 85 miles south of Columbus (Ohio) which is where
I flew into, and the nearest real airport. When one arrives, they pick
one up in a van. It takes perhaps 90 minutes for the trip out. Columbus
is the state capital and one of the largest cities in Ohio.
"Athens is a university town. Ohio University (big school) is here.
School starts again in a couple of weeks so right now it is quiet but it
will soon be bustling with young people. Lots of coffee shops, bookstores,
pizza shops, beer parlors, as you can imagine. I've been there twice (once
just driving through at my request and the other a couple of days ago to
see a movie.)
"Wellspring itself is perhaps 12 miles south of Athens and a few
miles north of the Ohio-West Virginia border.
"There's a TV in the Lodge but few stations to watch because of
reception, due to the hills. But enough to kill the time, if one wants.
Or one can go into town and rent some movies. I haven't yet.
"There is a phone to call out, if one uses one's credit card. Calls
are allowed in but one has to tell them who one will accept calls from.
They do this for privacy.
"My room is upstairs, with three single beds. A bathroom is next
door and just like a hotel, towels and the rest is provided. There's a
modern laundry room downstairs.
"The whole atmosphere is that of a very nice hostel, given that one
might have a roommate. (Although I'm sure the next person to arrive will
go to one of the other rooms and the next to the third and the fourth
would then be sharing with someone.)
"The staff bend over backwards to be courteous, almost too much so!
(laugh) More like an expensive hotel.
"There's no workout room (sigh) but the husband of one of the RC's
has one at their home and she's taken me there twice to work out with him,
which is really nice of her. I can go any time I want. (I went yesterday
and will probably go again Tuesday.)
"There are (warning: a word similar to a cult word is about to appear)
sessions and workshops. The workshop is instructional, using video tapes,
mainly, giving one some information according to one's needs and interests.
(If I don't want to see the tape or do it, that is up to me.) I've seen
several excellent tapes re cult methods and recovery. Workshops go no longer
than two hours, usually much less. Mine are in the afternoon.
"Sesssions are with one of the two counselors and are intended to be
personal.
"When I arrived I went through an "interview" process, using
a list of questions they have, which gives them some idea what they are
dealing with. (With me, they know more than usual but with most people,
they know almost nothing.) Then they take it from there but we never take
up subjects I don't want to deal with and I am in control of the session,
which is very different from the way it was in a certain cult we know. I
don't even have to go. If I wanted to just sleep and rest and eat and
recover that way for two weeks, I can. (I've been told it is not unusual
for some to do that for days, especially when they come right out of their
cult and are both exhausted and poorly nourished and confused. They get
all the time they want.) There is also a physical exam by a doctor who
comes out to do it. (He said I am in good shape.) And a battery of tests.
Again, it is all optional.
"Saturday afternoon and Sunday are off/free by schedule. Today is
Sunday and by choice, I wanted to do some reading, based on some things
I wanted to look up and learn. (My original plan was for the RC to take
me into Athens, drop me off and let me just walk the town and come back
when I called to get me, but I changed my mind. I’m doing Athens tomorrow
afternoon. Besides my wanting to do some reading, more stores will be
open anyway.)"
Vaughn finished two weeks at Wellspring and felt that it had been incredibly
helpful to him in his recovery.
I hope to return to Wellspring in the future for more therapy. In the
meantime, I've told a number of my friends about my experience, and it's
given them hope that they can recover.
I have two things to say before I end this post.
The first thing is that if any of you want more information about Wellspring,
visit their web site at www.wellspring.albany.oh.us/. Also please feel free
to write to me or call me if you have any questions. My email address is
stacy8@gte.net, and my phone number is
206-463-6809. I urge all former Scientologists to get into therapy, whether
it is at Wellspring, or with another therapist that you trust. Get out from
under the nightmare of Scientology. Get some help.
The other thing I have to say is that we have started a Victim's Relief
Fund at FACTNet. This is a fund set up to help people coming out of
Scientology to get their lives together, and particularly to help them get
therapy. We're launching a huge fund-raising campaign to raise the money
to pay for people to go to Wellspring or get whatever therapy they feel will
help them.
Please, if you are reading this and you have the ability to donate to the
FACTNet Victim's Relief Fund, please do so as generously as you possibly
can. In the end, only therapy will finally get the Scientology monkey off
its victims' backs.
Make your checks payable to the FACTNet Victim's Relief Fund and send them
to me at the following address:
FACTNet Victim's Relief Fund
Further facts
about this criminal empire may be found at
Operation Clambake and FACTNet.
Phone number is 206-463-6809
Wellspring -- hope for recovery from Scientology
c/o Stacy Brooks Young
P.O. Box 2698
Vashon, WA 98070
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