11 Aug 99 21:09
Martin Goldberg

It was a dark and stormy night...wait....scratch that.

Last evening was the long anticipated return of Dr. Leipzig the Bourbon Swilling German of Milwaukee. It started out innocently enough. I knew that Marty was in the states for a month and that he would call sometime in August. Last sunday, when my wife prepared crepes ala carbon, the phone rang.


Long pause......"HAIL SATAN!!"

Thus is our greeting between each other whether on the phone from Houston, as this time, or Doha, Qatar as it has been the last two years. Well, the gist was that he would be in town on Tuesday with the spousal unit and his two rug rats. I quickly hid the decent liquor, my stash of dominican tobacco products and all the nudes of his wife that I ha...er....wait...scratch that too.

It had also become apparant that I would have to spend the evening with our moderator, who I could not dissuade from coming. I even told him that there would be no belly dancing or any other form of entertainment such as Shakesperian actors reading through "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" or fundies doing the well known shuffle named for, well, for fundies.

Tuesday arrived. I spoke with Steve and he suggested the "Bavarian Grill". How was I to know that it was going to be full of germans swilling beer <snicker>? Steve had an agenda. He LIKES beer and they serve loads of the stuff. If you are unlucky, they seat you up front by the accordionist. If unlucky, you sit in the back with the oom pah pah band. Such is the nature of german restaurants

So we went in and sat down, Dr. L dragging his 6'4", 280 lb. frame through the door just in time to see the "Thank you for not smoking your wurst". It was not a sight recommended for young children, although the kid at the next talbe seemed to be amused. But we sat and yapped for about 45 GAWDDAMNED MINUTES until Steve showed up.

I would have preferred that he had stayed home.

Steve brought the infamous "Chicken Hat" with him along with a battery operated chicken that squawked when aroused. I can think of better things to do with batteries as can most women, but we'll not go up that alley tonight. (Damn...did it again.)

Well, I'm not that much of a beer drinker, so I ordered a 500 ml. glass of something while Leipzig put away a liter of the stuff. As did Steve. Then Leipzig changed and ordered another liter. As did Steve. Then Leipzig ordered another liter. Steve was still working on his. Then Leipzig ordered another liter. Steve was still working on his. Then Leipzig ordered another 500 mls (after all, it was getting late). There's nothing like two drunken atheists. My wife, who had attended the night's affair, wished that she had attended another affair...and we won't go up THAT avenue either...DAMN.....

However, we did manage to have a good time with a loads of german potato salad and pickled beets...most of your names were mentioned. I'll leave it to the gallery as to who got favorable mention and who did not. However, since the fundies are so damned stupid I'll let Appleton, Pope, Garard, Anderson, Briggs and uh...whoever else has no evidence for their claims that you did not recieve honorable mention.

I left Leipzig at the local Motel Sex and he continued on to Milwaukee to fly out to London and back to Doha in a few days. Next year, he's going to the Costa Del Sol (in Portugal...gad, i hope he likes salted cod) and we might just meet up with him there if I can shake my kids. Hell, even if I can't. They're sick of me anyway.




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