Tom Cruise Caught Cheating on Nicole.....

ODYSSEY Magazine, Los Angeles
January 29, 2000

CRUISE FLIPS FOR GAL WITH "SOMETHING EXTRA"
by Liz

Fans, reporters and fellow celebs were shocked to see award-winning 'Magnolia' star TOM CRUISE at the Golden Globe Awards last week with a sexy, curvaceous brunette on his arm. Cruise quickly put rumors to rest when he explained to ET's MARY HART that the beauty was his wife NICOLE KIDMAN's sister who had agreed to fill in as his date for the evening while Nicole was busy filming her latest picture.

Oh, Tom! What a tangled web we weave! Just a few minutes of online research and we easily discovered that your awesome wife does not have a sister!

So, who was that mystery woman with Tom? None other than actor ALEXIS ARQUETTE, who currently stars on two prime-time series (WB's 'The Strip' and Showtime's 'Beggars & Choosers'.) Arquette, who often moonlights as the lusty, busty double D-lightful Eva Destruction, met Cruise at Cherry, a West Hollywood rock club popular among crossdressers, homosexuals and assorted wierdos.

"When Tom Cruise walked in, everybody freaked!", said one club-goer. "But, Tom only had eyes for Eva who was go-go dancing in a baby pink sequin halter-top and matching g-string. Another transgendered performed by the name of CandyAss tried to flirt with him by squawking in his ear, but he completely ignored the raccoon eyed genderbender. He was obviously smitten with Eva and even went so far as to slip a $500 bill in her panties!"

Neither Cruise nor Arquette could be reached for comment, but CandyAss gladly offered her take on Hollyweird's latest - and most unique - love connection by simply hacking, "Whatever!"