(1365)  Thu 15 Jun 95 12:32
By: Mike Christy
To: All
Re: More Star Goat Scripture
St:                                                                       2008>
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@EID:ba10 1ecf6400
@MSGID: 1:102/496@fido 2fe07cc2
@PID: CNet 3.0
 From: MIKE CHRISTY                          Date: 06-15-95 11:08
   To: ALL
Subj.: More Stargoat
 Area: Religion & P

                    Star Goat




Q: What is the "Mutant Star Goat?"
A:  The  One  True  God,  Who  created  life,  the
   universe, and everything.  Now prove me  wrong!
   This is another thought experiment for theists.
   Everything  they  claim for their God(s) can be
   said for Star Goat with equal  validity.   Star
   Goat  (braise  His name) sent His only begotten
   Son, Billy, to Earth to die on the Holy Bar-Be-
   Que Pit for us.  Those  who  continue  to  deny
   this  truth  will  be  eaten on Judgment Day by
   Star Goat, to stew in the  Holy  Bile  for  all
   eternity.   If  a theist believes she or he can
   punch a hole in Star Goat theology, they should
   come to realize eventually that every hole they
   create APPLIES EQUALLY to their God(s).  No one
   can prove Star Goat is not the  One  True  God,
   and  Goatees  know  in their hearts that He is,
   therefore He is!


Q: What is a "Goatee?"
A: A devotee of Star Goat.

Q: What is "Bile-ed" and "Bile-it?"
A: When evil sinners, or anyone else who  did  not
   worship Star  Goat  in  life,  find  themselves
   dead,  their  souls will be swallowed by Billy,
   Star Goat's only beGoatten Son, to stew in  the
   Holy  Bile  for  all eternity.  This is roughly
   equivalent to "damned" but unlike the falsehood
   of Hell, the Holy Bile EXISTS!  Goat  save  you
   if  you  don't  hurry  and accept Billy as your
   Personal  Savior!   Send  money!   We  are  the
   advocates  of  the  Goat  Life!   Honest.   (No
   refunds.)


            THE NEW OLD OLD TESTAMENT

 The True and Authorized Mike Christy(tm) Version


The Following is a sampling of the works and words
of The One True Mutant Cosmic  Stargoat.   Blessed
be his huge and furry balls.

Read and Wonder



Revulsions 6:9

"I am the One True Mutant Cosmic Stargoat.  I gave
my son Billy on  the  Holy  BBQ  Pit  as  a  tasty
sacrifice  for  your  sins.  If  you  worship that
Yahweh  twerp,   I'll   eat  you,  you  ungrateful
bastards."


Goatesians 6:9-11

9: And Yahweh did annoy the hell out of  StarGoat,
and despite StarGoat commanding Yahweh to shut the
hell  up,  Yahweh  persisted  in being an annoying
little twat.

10: So StarGoat ate him.

11: He later did regret His decision,  for  Yahweh
gave Him the worst case of gas.



Baah 6:9-13

9: The Star Goat, praise be his name, is  the  one
true  creator  of  all.

10: Yahweh was an annoying little twat who  wanted
the credit.

12: But  nobody  with  a  Goat  given  brain  ever
believed Yahweh's mastibutory delusions of godhood.

13: Those who did were labelled morons, and doomed
to never grasp anything but the supposed works  of
that Yahweh-Goatfart-spirit-boy.


Hornations 6:11-20

11: And Ebed said unto her daughter,  "Blessed  be
she  of  the  Goat,  who  hath  not  left  off her
kindness to the living".

12:  And she went down unto the  ground,  and  did
according to all that her mother bade her.

13:  And  Ebed  said "You are Naomi, handmaiden to
The  One   True  Mutant  Cosmic  Stargoat,  spread
therefore  thy  skirt over thine head for thou art
near a kinsman.

14:  And  Gaal the son of Ebed came to his sisters
and put his "confidence" in them, saying  "If  you
don't  like  this  "confidence"  I  can  sheath my
"confidence" with the skin of a goat!"

15: And  the  sisters  of  Gaal  did  squeal  with
anticipation,  for   he    had    withdrawn    his
"confidence" from them.

16:  The  sisters   of   Gaal   did   enjoy   such
"confidence" mornings.

17:  For their father had not "confidence" and was
not like Lot, of Sodom.

18: And when  Gaal  had  eaten  and  made  himself
"confident"  and  his  heart was merry, he went to
lie down at the end of the heap of corn:  for they
had been in the field.

19: And Naomi came softly, and uncovered his feet,
and whispered "You are of the Star Goat".

20: And they all slept.



Cud 6:9-10

9: And the Star Goat noticed the Fundees  babbling
about the gas cloud they call Yahweh.

10: And He thought that they were kidding.  But He
later found out that they weren't.   And  He  lost
His lunch because of laughter.


Gnaw 6:9-12

9: And the Star Goat saw the corruption  that  the
works Yahweh-Goatfart had inspired and had caused.

10: And he thought, "Silly humans.  The joke's  on
them.

11: For I have eaten this evil  bastard  known  as
Yahweh, and they worship a cloud of methane that I
have farted in their general direction!"

12:  Now therefore fear ye not: I, Star Goat, will
nourish  you,   and  your  little  ones.   And  he
comforted them, and spake kindly unto them.



Excretions 2:3-12

3:  In the Last  Daze,  StarGoat  caused  a  great
superhighway to be made real.

4: In this superhighway he caused to be made  unto
it newsgroups, networks and world-wide-web pages.

5: Into these he bade  His  Prophet  Mike  Christy
<tm>  to  go  and  spread   the   [U]ltra-[M]ongo-
[S]tarGoat [W]ord.

6: And it came to pass that Mike Christy <tm> went
unto the stupid masses, spreading the UMSW to  the
followers of the Yahweh-Goatfart.

7: And they despaired and gnashed their  teeth  in
impotent fury.

8: But, against all reason and  logic,  they  held
true to their belief in their methane-god.

9: Mike Christy <tm> became despondent  and  cried
out  to  the StarGoat, "Look, dammit, these people
just won't understand.

10: What the hell should I do?"

11: And verily did the StarGoat reply  in  E-Mail,
saying, "Just who were you again?"

12: And Mike Christy (tm) did cry  aloud:  "Praise
be  to  his huge furry balls for such inspiration!


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